what am i up to?

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

i know i've been m.i.a. lately...

i've been busy and have lots going on lately. a little stressed...

so i just want to do the following:

1) give a shout out to my buddy tph - cause he needs it and he knows why...

2) remind everyone that girl scout cookies will be in on saturday morning...

3) say that kellie pickler looked awful last week! and yes i think she's had some "enhancements" inserted...

Friday, March 02, 2007

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"....

good morning and welcome to "why you won't be my next american idol." i'm your host - karen seacrest.

let's get things started with a lovely number that was never intended to be sung by 20 people at once...

on second thought - let's not...

before we go any further though - can someone PLEASE put some superglue on paula's chair? she just can't stay seated! she stands when someone performs. she stands when they finish. she stands when randy speaks. she sits for her comments and then stands back up when simon speaks. and then feels the need to stand and talk to ryan while he's trying to review the number. for crying out loud! if she keeps this up - once they get to the big theater - there's going to be trouble. it's bad enough that the people behind the her will have to try to see over her hair - but if she keeps standing it will be a real visual obstacle for them...

moving on. we have some people to send packing - never to be heard from again...

today - we say good-bye to Nicholas Pedro. nick - you won't be my next american idol because america just doesn't like a quitter - and they won't vote for one. sure - you made it further this year than last year. and you didn't quit this year. jeff said maybe the third time will be a charm - but on behalf of america - i beg you - please don't try the theory...

leaving us tonight is also Alaina Alexander. alaina - you won't be my next american idol because you and Amy Krebs are kinda a lot alike in my eyes - and we didn't keep her around either...

also getting the boot is AJ Tabaldo. aj - you won't be my next american idol because the mysterious "initials for a name" thing really isn't as cool as some people think it is. besides - you really remind me of RJ Helton from season one - and he didn't win either...

finally - walking her way on home is Leslie Hunt. leslie - you won't be my next american idol because your boots were made for walkin (dogs) - and that's just what they'll do and if you stuck around simon was just gonna walk all over you...

and for the record - i refuse to believe that skinny jeans and stilettos or skirts and cropped leggings are really making a comeback. where is stacy and clinton when you need them? come on ladies - let's start picking outfits that look good and go with the song and the way you are going to perform it...

until next week when we send four more packing taking us to the coveted top 12 - i am karen seacrest. out.

Friday, February 23, 2007

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

welcome back everyone. after a long hiatus - i am karen seacrest - here once again with your weekly episode of "why you won't be my next american idol"...

this week, we say good by to amy krebs. amy, you won't be my next american idol because if it hadn't been for simon saying that no one would remember you - i probably wouldn't have made the effort to remember you...

we also say goodbye to paul kim. paul - you won't be my next american idol because feet are icky unless properly pedicured. and thanks to a recent episode of tyra - i'm now terrified of getting pedicures at those cute little salons because you can get a bacterial flesh eating virus!

also leaving us is nicole tranquillo. nicole - you won't be my next american idol because i just didn't like your performance and can't think of anything creative to say about it. sorry. but i can't...

and finally the journey ends last night for rudy cardenaz. rudy - you won't be my next american idol because you look like scott baio and i am SO over marrying chachi. i mean - he was SO 1982, you know? i've moved on. i have. i mean - so what if i was only 5 in 1982 and it would have been gross and illegal. but is it anymore gross than scott dating nicole eggert? he's nine years older than her. and that may have been legal at the time they dated - but he played her babysitter! he was abusing his acting athority!!! what would joanie say?? so sorry rudy - but you have to go...

so anyway - there you have it. another exciting episode. stay tuned for next week when we will hopefully get to say goodbye to people who REALLY don't deserve to be there...

until then - this is once again - karen seacrest - out!

Friday, February 16, 2007

mini's mini's everywhere...

okay. more proof that it wasn't cotton weary.

but hello! did anyone else notice that giant snake mayor killed his sister!!?!?!?!! well gosh!

i still say that this doll image is the one clue they need to figure out in order to solve this whole thing. if they can figure out who owns the doll and it's importance - the mini mouse killer will be solved...

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

can you say "ignorant"?

this is the absolute most ignorant thing i have EVER heard and totally disrespectful to those of us in the world who would love to have children (or more children) and can't for reasons that are out of our control and part of god's plan for our lives.

i don't think i can even begin to list the many, many ways in which the fact that someone thinks this is right and that other people agree with him - makes me sick...

everyone sing!

if you're happy and you know it clap your hands - CHRIS IS GONE!
if you're happy and you know it clap your hands - CHRIS IS GONE!

if you're happy and you know it - you're inner gilmore girl will show it...

if you're happy and you know it clap your hands - CHRIS IS GONE!!!

what a nice valentines day gift. i'm choosing to believe that jeff contacted the writers and told them how unhappy the whole chris/lorelai thing was making me and made them fix it. he's so sweet to me!

Friday, February 09, 2007

i was wrong...

michael keppler wasn't really cotton weary or the mini murderer. but he was still a messed up criminalist who had killed an innocent man!

who wants to place bets on if there's an engagement ring in the cocoon?

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

yes, that is me doing that lame happy dance...

can you say - bye bye mr. icky christopher! how cold hearted you are not to get your butt right to that hospital! there is not a thing you do that shows me that you are worthy - you deadbeat!

exes are exes for a reason ms. gillmore (thank goodness you didn't change your name to hayden!). except for luke. he's an ex because you were both immature idiots. now it seems you are both growing up and happily ever after can once again resume...

Monday, February 05, 2007

superbowl commercials

i think i liked the crab commercial and the blockbuster commercial the best...

that mouse's voice had to have been played by bobcat goldthwait...

oh - and in case you missed it - i got to be on the news last nite!!!

Friday, February 02, 2007

happy anniversary!

2 days ago was the one year anniversary of the "inside a goofy girl's brain" blog.

time flies when you're writing senseless dribble...

who is keppler?

who is michael keppler?

i have two theories...

he's the mini murderer...

or he's really COTTON WEARY and cotton weary is the mini murderer! did cotton die in scream 3? i can't remember....

Thursday, February 01, 2007

more rules for making it to hollywood on american idol...

rule #11 - any allusion to any type of animal behavior should be kept out of your audition.

rule #12 - under MOST circumstances - you should listen to your mother. if she tells you that you aren't right for american idol - she may be right. she only has your best interest in mind and she doesn't want to see you humiliated and hurt.

rule #13 - don't make out with the other contestants.

rule #14 - paula and randy's ultimate voice coach set is currently being tested on fox 2's deal or dud. somehow - i have a feeling it won't be as successful as the vidalia chop wizard...

rule #15 - if you sang with someone famous - make sure they know it. it obviously helps...

Friday, January 26, 2007

we have to believe we are magic...

it's no secret that there are certain aspects of domesticity that i really don't care for and hate doing with the fire of a million suns and then some.

one of these is laundry. especially folding and sorting. and especially whites.

it's because of my hatred of this chore that more often than not - all of our socks and underwear end up in a magic basket on our laundry room floor and every day we have to rifle through it looking for the aforementioned garments.

this basket is totally magic. because if i'm looking for socks for nina - all i can find are socks for me or jeff. if i'm looking for socks for me - all i can find are socks for nina and jeff. same with the underwear. and jeff can never find his own socks either which i find totally amazing since all i can ever find are his socks. or nina's socks.

i'm not sure how we obtained this magic basket - but i' d really wish it would stop playing tricks on me. it's just not cool...

why can't we have a magic cookie jar instead?

Thursday, January 25, 2007

more rules for making it to the hollywood round on american idol...

rule #6 - don't come into the audition admitting that you can't sing and are totally tone deaf and then get mad when they tell you no. it's a singing competition - not an anti-singing competition - what did you REALLY expect them to say??

rule #7 - just because jennifer hudson won a golden globe and is nominated for an oscar doesn't mean that you should turn your audition for american idol into an audition for passions after the judges have told you no.

rule #8 - lose the brooklyn/jersy/coney island accent while singing. as my drama teacher in high school always said - annunciation is key. you shouldn't be able to hear that accent when you sing. and hit those t's! tuh tuh tuh tuh tuh!

rule #8 1/2 - if one show based on talent said no - the others probably will too. especially when the producers are the same...

rule #8 3/4 - and fur isn't cool any more pal...

rule #9 - no one wants to see you have an orgasm.

rule #10 - be confident - but not full of yourself. just sing it.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Thursday, January 18, 2007

rule for life...

if you are going to begin a sentence with the words "okay - i'll be the bad guy..." rethink what you are about to say and consider NOT saying it...

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

rules for making it to hollywood on american idol...

rule #1 - don't totally destroy a song in front of the person who originally wrote and recorded it.

rule #2 - don't go into your auditions trying to sound exactly like a previous finalist - especially one who didn't win. if they didn't win - you won't win.

rule #3 - don't try to pull off a sound if you don't have a look to match it. clay aikin can't sound like chris daughtry. and the three tenors can't look like flavor flave. it just doesn't work.

rule #4 - don't insert the names of the judges into the song you are singing for your audition - it makes you appear to be desperate.

rule #5 - if you need a gimic (juggling, t-shirt with cooky message to get you noticed, costume, amish garb) to get you to the big prs (paula, randy, simon) round - then you probably don't belong in hollywood. your voice should be all you need.

to be continued...

Friday, January 12, 2007

book review - following foo

as of last night i finished reading following foo. i have a list 3 people long right now of those who want to read it next.

over all - it was a really good book. see, bd wong, an actor who you may know best from oz, law and order svu, or the father of the bride movies, is a gay man. he was in a committed relationship for many years when their biological clocks started ticking and they decided that all the talk over the years about some day having a family wasn't going to happen on it's own. so they set out to figure out who to go about becoming dads.

they found an organization that helps same sex couples - usually men - become dads. using richie's sisters eggs and bd's "forensic evidence" (as he referred to it when i heard him speak), and a surrogate mother - their journey began. to their joy they found they were expecting - not only one baby - but identical twins!

everything was going swimmingly until the babies started showing signs of distress and the surrogate gave birth three months early. turns out that the babies had some sort of condition that happens with twins where one of them kinda transfused most of his blood to the other so that the other would stand a better chance of survival. this is far better explained in the book by the way.

the first twin didn't make it. but the second twin was a fighter.

following the birth of the boys, bd wong started emailing family and friends to update them on the situation and the ups and downs and highs and lows that occure in the rollar coaster of a life that is lived inside the nicu. over the three months that little jackson foo wong was laying in the hospital nicu in san fransico, his father wrote. and what he wrote got forwarded and forwarded and forwarded. till tons of people he didn't know where silently cheering on his little boy. and tons of people were shooting back messages of encouragement. and through all of this writing and updating and using his words to deal with his situation - the basis for a book was formed.

i was wanted to read this book after hearing bd wong speak a couple months back. it sounded interesting. nina was premature and lived in nicu for a week. so i could relate in a way. i'm a bd wong fan - so that was another insentive. but it really gave me an insight into this man's life during this time. i mean - you think about actors living the glory life and relaxing the days away not really worrying about anything but their fancy cars and which party they can not wear underpants to and if donald trump is trashing them on page six again. but you don't think about them staying in a branson style motel in modesto or driving to and from different movie sets or eating at the hole in the wall chinese place or just hanging out in a hospital like a normal person for weeks on end. i mean - with the exception of the occasional name drop or movie set mention or whatever - he was totally normal. sure - we don't all get personal emails from michelle kwan - but whatever...

and then there was the way you watched him discover how to be a dad and how he would talk about his son. there was just such love. it's amazing.

anyway - i enjoyed the book. pretty good. not a best seller or a book many have probably heard of. but i'd totally recommend it (unless your pretty conservative and have issues with the gay thing. it's not shoved down your throat or anything - but they are a gay couple and you just can't leave that out of the story).

up next - on "what is karen reading?" - Marie Antionette: The Journey by Antonia Fraiser. one chapter in and the historical who's related to who stuff made me really tired...

Thursday, January 04, 2007

the mini houses....

okay - i SO knew that we hadn't seen the last of the little houses. they never explained the doll picture. there wasn't total closure. so it's obvious that the story isn't complete - even if that guy did confess....

and i can't believe that box is going to sit on grissom's desk for 4 stinking weeks. i hate suspense - don't they know that? obviously they do. or they wouldn't do it that way...

and why does the mini desk inside look like grissom's? that's not cool...

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

happy new year...

so i'm two days late. sue me. i don't recover from staying up late very well.

i'm going to put this in writing. i've made a resolution.

i want to lose 19 pounds by may 14.

i can't celebrate the first anniversary of my 29th birthday with a butt this big....