why....

is grissom building a miniature house???

it has to be because he's trying to get inside the mind of the killer. it just has to be!

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

let me just start off by saying i am SOOOO happy that gilmore girls is trying to get back on track with the luke and lorelai thing. it's about time. sucky thing is - there are only 2 episodes left this season and there still hasn't been a decision made as to if this is the last season or not. so in two weeks could be the end all of gilmore girls!!!

now - if luke would just realize that taking lorelai on the boat trip instead of april would make for a great happy ever after....

anyway - on to idol...

this is a super-sized episode of "why you won't be my next american idol" where we say "hit the bricks" to not one - but TWO idol rejects! and speaking of idol rejects - have any of you caught this season of celebrity fit club on vh1 with kimberly locke? dustin diamond needs to just back off of man...

anyway - i'm straying off topic.

this week we first say so long to phil stacey. phil - you won't be my next american idol because you look like a cross between uncle fester and lurch. if the two had a baby - it would have your head. your head is way too big to be bald - it kinda looks like a lightbulb. and your ears stick out kinda far. now i don't want to pick on someone just because of his appreance - cause that would be wrong - but you chose this look and i really think you should really reconsider the concept of hair. really...

we're ALSO saying "peace out" to chris richardson. chris - you won't be my next american idol because i don't like justin timerblake. and if i don't like him - why would i pick you? you look like him. you sound like him. you do his little head bob when you ruin perfectly good songs written by gwen stefani - that's right - still holdin that against you. i just don't think you have the stuff to bring sexy back. not that i think justin does either. but hey - maybe the two of you can team up and give it a try...

so next week's episode of our favorite program will have a bit of a delay as karen seacrest heads to vegas for three days to party with kfed and lindsey (lohan that is).

look for it on saturday or sunday. i know the suspense will be killing you.

until then. karen seacrest shooting craps. out.

here i go...

tryin to look all professional again...

in memory

of baseball players who have gone before us...

enjoy the big game at the stadium in the sky boys...

see what we did this weekend?

for the record...

i'm not a patient person.

i hate waiting.

i don't want to do it anymore.

GAAAA!

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

welcome to a very special episode of "why you won't be my next american idol". i'm your host - karen seacrest.

let us all take a brief moment to mourn the loss of hair-boy.

now that we've done that - can i get a "woot woot!" please?!?! come on - ya'll know you wanna. take that howard stern!

that's right. this week is the long awaited "sanjaya gets told to hit the bricks" week. don't we all feel better now? i have to say - it's all my doing. i took matters into my own hands this week and actually voted FIVE TIMES. clearly it made a difference since i haven't voted at all during the weeks that he hasn't been booted. no need to thank me. just throw treats.

anyway. we say "don't let the door hit ya" to the follically blessed sanjaya malakar. sanjaya - you won't be my next american idol because one michael jackson in the world is more than enough. you started off singing with your sibling. then you branched off to go it alone. you really were a heartbeat away from hanging out in vegas and dressing your children with bed linens. it's really for your own good. enjoy being a teenager for awhile.

well - karen seacrest has a busy nite ahead of her - big party at the ritz. but as soon as it's over - i'll start doing the research to figure out what exactly a "life anthem" is so i can prepare myself for next week's commentary.

until then. karen seacrest. out.

what karen is currently reading

having finally finished marie antoinette: the journey (it only took about 3 months)- i am now reading the hidden diary of marie antoinette.

this book is all fiction. and a far, far easier read.

my review of the first book will come in the next few days. i'm still digesting it (and trust me - there was a lot to digest!)...

six degrees of american idol....

my mom just returned from arkansas where she visited with my great uncle frankie and great aunt ruth anne and found out this interesting piece of information.

my great aunt ruth anne is the cousin of carrie underwood's grandma!

which makes me and carrie underwoood - absolutely nothing.

all of my blood relations are with uncle frankie who is married to aunt ruth anne. but aunt ruth anne could still work on an autograph for her favorite grand niece - couldn't she?

aunt ruth anne said that carrie is a real stinker because last year she skipped the family reunion to go on tour....

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

welcome to "why you won't be my next american idol." i'm your host - karen seacrest...

what is up with the top 8 anyway? do they not realize that there is more to latin music than santana and gloria estefan? 5 of the 8 performances featured a song by one of these two. i ALMOST wanna praise sanjaya for thinking outside of the box. but i won't because i really thought he should have done "livin la vida loca" by ricky martin. or "hips don't lie" by shakeria. that would have been cool....

anyway. this week we say "adios" to legs. i mean - haley scarnato. who obviously had the entire competition confused for nair commercial audition. everyone sing! "who wears short shorts? we wear short shorts!"

and haley - THAT is exactly why you won't be my next american idol. because i'm tired of seeing your long, skinny, toned, perfect legs in short shorts and short skirts. and i'm really tired of watching all of the guys i know drool. and maybe - just maybe - i'm a little jealous cause i don't have long, skinny, toned, perfect legs like yours. especially since my husband is one of those droolers....

men...

so until next week. this is karen seacrest. fuera (which the online english to spanish translation thingie says is the translation of the word "out").

why can't i ever find anything to wear???

now that i've spent the entire day in heals...

my feet hurt and i'm going home and refusing to cook dinner and putting on my jammies and watching sanjaya do "livin la vida loca" on latino nite...

i know some of you are confused - all will hopefully be revealed in due time...

tell the truth...

do i look professional??

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

i really can't believe this. can someone PLEASE explain to me why he is still there?

why? WHY? WHY!!!???!!??!?!?!!

btw - i have it on good authority that a woman i work with is a sanjaya fan. i don't think she's voting though. which is a good thing. we must find out who is responsible for his progression in this competition so that they can be stopped!

okay - so this week on "why you won't be my next american idol" - everyone is safe but gina glocksen. i don't have much to say about it. i'm too angry. but since i have to say SOMETHING - gina - you won't be my next american idol because no matter how many times i ask him - jeff won't let me do my hair in a cool two toned style like yours and in order to be my TRUE american idol - i have to at least be able to try and imitate your fashions without my husband threatening to make me sleep with rolen...

coming up next week - sanjaya imitates jlo and sings that his love don't cost a thing...

this is karen seacrest - out. grrr.

you're so jealous - you wish you were me...

cause come wednesday - jeff and i get to go to the baseball game...

AND

we get to sit in the ameristar box....

AND

food, beer, soda and parking are ALL included...

AAAAAND

we don't have to pay for ANY of it...

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

welcome to "why you won't be my next american idol - the harajuku version"....

how about that gwen stefani! she so totally rocks!!! i so wanna be her. i'd settle to be half as skinny and toned as her.

that's right - i'm a diehard gwen fan. my secret is out. you can imagine how much i drove jeff crazy this week.

anyway - as we do every week - we have to say so long to someone. maybe not the someone who REALLY deserves it. and don't get me started on how he brutally destroyed a song written by gwen either - because i won't stop. and that hair! he looked like one of those roman soldiers with the brush thing on the helmet!

sorry - i got off track again. where was i - oh yeah - saying good-bye to someone. this week we say good-bye to fuzzy headed chris sligh. chris - you won't be my next american idol because you have that type of hair that probably just doesn't adjust well to different climates making touring difficult on your hair's health. and you dance kinda funny. and here lately you've been just a little TOO confident - if you know what i mean. people don't like that. they like "humble" - which is why melinda's such a hit...

look at the bright side - maybe your band will take you back now that you're famous and they can hitch a ride on your american idol fame wagon...

until next week when sanjaya wears coolio inspired braids - this is karen "ain't no hollaback girl" seacrest - out.

and meanwhile - somewhere in hollywood...

poor, pretty little gwen stefani is rocking little baby kingston and saying to him in her sweetest voice "why kingy? why did i let them sing MY songs? how could i let him sing 'bathwater'? and that hair? what was i thinking??? how can i show my face tomorrow night in front of all america? he has ruined the faux-hawk forever! and don't even get me started on that 'justin timberlake shoulder beat' to one of the greatest, most personal ballads ever written..."

poor gwennie...

can i get a "woot! woot!"?

i've just been escorted across campus to the bank where i deposited nearly $7000 into the girl scout council's bank account. this means that i simply need to drop off some paperwork to the neighborhood cookie chair, give some cash to the troop leader, and sit back and wait until incentives come in during the first week of may and then cookies are done for another year!!!

this just in!

gwen stefani is going to be the guest musical consultant person on american idol this week.

that is SO gonna be cool! i wanna be an american idol top 10 contestant!!

just not sanjaya. maybe haley. she's super skinny with super long legs. i'd settle for being her this week...

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"....

welcome to "why you won't be my next american idol."

i'm karen sea-crest i am. karen sea-crest i am i am. i stand here and kick contestants out the door. many should have been kicked - off before. but everyone is an i-i-dol! i-i-dol! top ten gets to go on tour! on tour! i'm the seacrest host - i'm ka-ar-en! karen sea-crest i am i am. karen sea-crest i am!!

second verse....

um. never mind - i won't subject you to that again...

leaving us this week is stephanie edwards. stephanie - you won't be my next american idol because you look like fantasia and sound like beyonce and i don't like either one of them. so take a step to the left, to the left - everything you own in a box to the left - as you won't be joining the top 10 american idol tour this summer - but you will get to appear on the final show - so chin up.

and that of course means that we will all have the chance to cry like little girls when sanjaya comes to town this summer. run and hide everyone! run and hide!!!

until next week. karen seacrest i am i am. out.