this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

welcome to "why you won't be my next american idol". i'm your host. gimpy karen seacrest. workin 9 to 5. every day. and man - does it interfere with fun things like being karen seacrest. my pretty face doesn't seem to keep us in groceries and electricity...

it's been quite the exciting week in idol land...

ryan bumped into something and hurt his knee...

david cook is all stressed out and having blood pressure problems and has to go to the hospital and is trying to shrug it off as nothing. and it's not working either. watch the playback - he didn't look well on tuesday nite...

simon hated everyone but david archuletta - i suspect little david's daddy is paying simon bribes to be nice when no one is looking...

paula couldn't string together words into an understandable statement...

randy didn't say the word "pitch" quite as much as normal...

oh. and little ramen noodle malubay cried her little eyes out and packed her high wasted pants up and went home. ramen noodle - you won't be my next american idol because - wait. is that you? are you on the stage? cause i can't see you. wave your arms. oh you are. well, can you stand on a chair or something? you are standing on a chair? hmf. let me break out the binoculars. hold on. OH. there you are. i see you now. that tiny little thing that gets visually swallowed up by the big stage. it seems like the vast stage area intimidates you - making it really hard for people to be entertained by you. i can just imagine how hard it would be to see you inside the scottrade center from the nosebleed seats...

by the way - i'll bet you $.50 no one gets voted off next week...

this is karen seacrest. out.