i met, uh, elvis??

i was on my way back from the first of several trips to the potty today when i was forced into a picture with elvis.

i didn't want to. but they made me. said something about my pink top being complimentary.

i really do work. i swear. it's not all american idol brackets and - um - wannabee celeberities.

although, today someone awarded me the honor of one of people magazine's "100 Most Exciting Alumni House Employees." i was honored until i realized that there are only about 60 people in the building...

anyway - they assure me this elvis thing was for a legit work function. i'm not entirely sure.

so - let's figure out if any good can come of this. do i look 9 pounds skinnier??

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

we celebrate dear sweet (insert southern twang) kellie pickler. kellie - you won't be my next american idol because you fooled me with your naive, innocent, dead momma, convicted poppa, never sang outside of a shower likability factor. that's right. i liked kellie at one time. but the blonde girl act can only go so far. and it gives intelligent blondes a BAD rap. and i totally resent that.

i maintain that it takes a very smart girl to play dumb. and kellie tried to play it all the way to the bank. fortunately for those of us who were totally betrayed by her act - a nice webpage - which i ordinarily don't like cause they promoted the wife beater - showed us several things that blew her cover. naive? innocent?? calamari?? i think not. innocent girls don't dress like this. and i just don't want my daughter to worship someone who's totally fake. that's why we got out of the pageant business after just one trip into it...

as of this week - i'm tied with 42 other people for 26th place on 101 the river's fantasy idol - that's not too shabby...

until next week - karen. out.

diet - week....i lost track...

this week's diet update.  jeff got rid of the four pounds that were hanging about after birthday and easter and everything else.  his total weight loss is now 8 pounds.

my weigh in this week revealed that my total weight loss is 9 pounds.  plus i moved a notch down on my belt.  plus 3 people yesterday told me that i was really looking good.

bailey the new kitty is adjusting to the house nicely.  she and sandy are still establishing their rolls of who gets to be queen.  last night they kept fighting over who gets the beloved space on the couch against the open window.  

bailey's really sweet - but i'd like her more if she realized that roaming the house at 2:30 in the morning howling just wasn't cool...

other news - jeff gave me my birthday gift over the weekend.  it's 3 weeks early.  but that's okay.  it's a shinny blue 06 equinox!  shitty car bedamned!

this week on why you won't be my next american idol"...

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol" we celebrate ace young. ace - you won't be my next american idol - because of your smoldering gazes? no. because you appeal to 16 year old girls all over the country? no. because you can't sing anything up beat or with a fast tempo or that you can dance to? no. because you exposed your chest scar in a creepy way? no. because you sat there and asked the guys of queen if you could butcher their song with a different arrangement and they said no and you did it anyway? no. because you look super lame with a pony tail? no. because you led me to say "adam sandler performed that better in the wedding singer??" no.

why? because when i was 15 i dated a guy whose dad was a big kiss fan and named is son "daniel ace" - which he went by "ace" - so i just can't say "ace" without thinking of 6 months during my sophmore year that included him flirting with other girls at the valentine's dance and us fighting at parties and the pressure for s-e-x and then they put a picture of he and i in the yearbook even though i asked the advisor not to do it and i bought him tickets for my first play and he didn't even show up to see it and i could tell from the stage that he wasn't there and i slapped the wall cause i was mad and it really kinda hurt. and then when we broke up he still showed up everywhere i was cause he worked at my schnucks and we still had mutual friends and he dated another girl from my school for a bit and the last time i saw him at a party he refused to talk to me but a year later wanted me to drop everything to see him before he moved out of state cause i meant so much to him...

being 15 was awful.

so why would i want an idol who brings all that back with a one syllable word??

get your candles set and snuggle on the couch with your loved one cause it's the greatest love songs next week. ace will be fuming cause he could have REALLY used his gaze then...

until next week - karen - out.

gilmore rant

all i have to say is that if luke and loreli don't get married - there are going to be many unhappy gilmore girl fans out there....

reason number 45 why i hate dieting...

apparently my body is so used to fruits and veggies now - that it physically rejected the pizza i ate for dinner last nite...

my body has turned against me.

evil body...

happy easter! diet update

happy easter everyone!

as you all know - i started dieting on ash wednesday. i gave up mickeyd's for breakfast. started drinking 8 glasses of water a day. occassional strength training exercises. cardio here and there. trying not to go over a certain calorie limit each day (although i failed at the ball game - i admit it - but i had extra calories leftover from the day before which makes it seem like my going over wasn't as bad as it was).

as of this morning, my official lenten weight loss is 8 pounds.

jeff's weight loss hasn't been as wonderful - but we'll get there. he's recently taken up drinking diet dew and tea with equal. baby steps are good.

so happy easter everyone. i'm going to reward myself with a tiny 140 calorie chocolate bunny!

cheetos

ever notice that cheetos taste better when they're shaped like something specific?

dear makers of kit kats...

i love kit kats. they have always been one of my two favorite treats. a couple of years ago, you got adventurous and came out with the dark chocolate and white chocolate kit kats. now the dark chocolate ones rock. white chocolate aren't so great - but you can't have the dark and not have the white. i get that. and the big cats are quite yummy too.

however, the success of these two limited edition snacks and the big kat has gone to your head. in ONE trip to the convienence store around the corner i found the following:

• extra creamy kit kats
• extra crispy kit kats
• orange cream kit kats
• milkshake kit kats
• coffee kit kats
• and i think i've recently seen a double double chocolate kit kat

don't you know that the kit kat is sacred?? stop with the bizzaro flavors already!!!

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol" we celebrate bucky covington. bucky - you won't be my next american idol because - now i don't wanna sound snobbish, or get sued for libel, or anything so don't go taking this the wrong way - but (in a whispered tone) you kinda look like the type of guy that i wouldn't wanna leave my child alone with - if you know what i mean. not saying you are a icky type person like that - but i can't take too many chances...

that said - what was up with the eye makeup this week? seemed a bit heavy to me. but i'd love it if they could teach me to line my upper lids they way the lined the lower lids of chris's eyes on tuesday nite...

what will happen next week? will ace break out into an upbeat number and kill it again? will kellie wink at the camera a minimum of 10 times while singing? will elliott show up in goat horns? will we see a sign that's more original than "marry me ace!" "pick pickler" or "i've got the mcfeever"? will the group commercial actually not frighten small children??

find out all this and more on your next episode of "why you won't be my next american idol"...

until then - karen. out.

dr. mr. anonymous person who called my house at 1:30 am...

1. next time make sure my mother in law isn't on vacation in las vegas - the ringing phone about scared me to death.
2. learn to speak english if you are going to make phone calls a 1:30 am.
3. after you hang up becuase you realize you have the wrong number - don't call the same number back a minute later.
4. don't do it on mornings where i have early morning meetings.

please pass the coffee...

breaking idol news

usa today has published a list of the songs to be performed on tonight's episode which will pay tribute to the band queen...

kellie is so not gonna do well...

diet - week 5?

i thought this stuff was supposed to get easier. but it really isn't. i went to lunch today with 6 coworkers at an upscale place in ladue and i had to sit on my hands while all 6 of them split two terribly sinful and yummy looking desserts. i drank water. which i think had an agent added to it to make me pee even more than regular water does. can someone please count the milage to and from the bathroom so that i can count it as cardio?

i fell off the wagon during a low blood sugar last nite. had about 20 girl scount cafe cookies and a big glass of chocolate milk. yummy.

as of sunday - i will have been dieting for 40 days. i started on ash wednesday. i'll be excited to see what the weight is as of sunday. i lost another pound this week. my total is 7 pounds. jeff's holding at about 6. and he's discovered the joys of diet dew. as long as he drinks it really fast so as not to get the icky aftertaste...

on wednesday we have baseball tickets. section 146 - row 16. foul ball territory. just outside the net behind homeplate. rumor has it - our seats are cusioned. with cupholders. and extra leg room.

you gotta love having the season tickets of a big time professor at a prominent university...

the baseball game will be a challenge for sure. but hey - think of all the cardio opportunities in walking around the new stadium??

in the meantime - i'll pay big bucks to the person who can sneak me a bag of double stuffed oreos on easter sunday...

Fw: Bailiey the Cat

I wanted to introduce you all to the potential new member of our family.

This is Bailey. Bailey belongs to Jeff's cousin Dana. Dana got married a week or so ago. Her husband and stepson are both severely allergic and her stepson also has very bad asthma. So she asked me to help her find a home for Bailey - being the critter lover that I am and all. Jeff got all soft and weak and decided we could attempt to take her in so that she would remain in the family and Dana could still visit her when she missed her.

Keeping her will greatly depend on if we can get Sandy and Bailey get along. Sandy hasn't been with other cats since she was a kitten. Bailey's never seen another cat - I was told she thinks she's a dog. So perhaps she and Rolen will get along better than Sandy and Rolen do. LOL.

I just wanted to share!

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol",,,

we celebrate mandisa. mandisa - you won't be my next american idol because somewhere in america there must have been a big storm that knocked out all cable, power, telephone, and text messaging services allowing all of your true die hard fans not to be able to vote. the same storm also must have redirected all of the votes cast for you to bucky. and those who were insane enough not to vote for you and vote for bucky intentionally - are just big gooberheads.

it's the only possible explaination that makes ANY sense at all.

other than that - the only think i can say about you is that the "know me by my first name alone" thing has already been done twice - a third time would just be overkill...

i can't say anything really negative about mandisa. us big girls have to stick together....

and you can't get me to admit that bucky was any good the other nite. cause he wasn't. i won't admit it and you can't make me.

until next week when we watch ace try and be more like constantine with another rendition of bohemian rapsody - karen. out. gooberheads.

girl scout cookies are a crock...

i've come to the conclusion that girl scout cookies are a dishonest sham...

why?  i know you wanna know why?

i'll tell you why....

it's because of those lying little happy faces all over the box.  

here's the proof.

1)  i got bummed out last nite paying bills.  so i had 8 thin mints because the smiles on the boxes indicated that the thin mints would make me feel better.  they didn't.  if anything they made me feel guilty.  i felt so betrayed....

2) trying to do all the cookie math for the past month or so, running 3 days in a row to pick up extra cookies, counting all of the money, bugging parents to turn in money, and figuring my cookie deposit until 11 o'clock at night trying to figure out why it keeps coming up $20 short only to have it come up $20 OVER when i take it to the bank - doesn't make me smile.  it makes display great amounts of hatred toward the cookies....

and 3)  all those happy girl scout faces are totally fake.  i know this because we can't get through ONE meeting without at least one of our brownies crying, one of our brownies getting mad because her "best friend" talked to/played with/looked at/sat next to someone else, or one of our brownies pouting because she doesn't like the snack/drink that the chosen other brownie brought that evening...

yup.  girl scout cookies are a total sham.  

or.  maybe it's just the box.  perhaps i should just get rid of the box.  the box contains all of the nutritional information anyway.  perhaps i would be happier without the boxes....

diet - week 4

week 4?  is that right?  i know i hit 30 days this weekend.  

it was a rough rough weekend.  with jeff's birthday being on thursday - we had tons of celebrating opportunities.  and his cousin got married on saturday.  nice brunch reception.  can you say mimosa?  i knew you could.  i could too.  four times as a matter of fact.  mmmmmmmimmmosa.  yummy.

i weighed in a pound lighter on friday.  it probably got blown after celebrating dana's wedding saturday morning and jeff's birthday saturday night.  but i don't weigh in until this weekend - so there's time to lose whatever damage that mimosas and cake can cause.  and uno's chocolate chip cookie sundaes.  yum.

jeff put on a pound when he weighed.  but again - his birthday was thursday.  

weekend high point?  i bought a new outfit to wear to dana's wedding on saturday and the skirt was a size 10.  usually a good a-line skirt would have to be a size 12 for me.  but the 12 was too big.  now - if only i can make a size drop in pants.

weekend low point?  i was really crabby after bowling last night.  i sought comfort in thin mints.  the little green box of happiness didn't make me feel better.  i feel as though they betrayed me.  lying little green box with smiles on it.