this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

we celebrate - katherine mcphee. katherine - you won't be my next american idol because you give REAL girl nextdoor types - like me - a bad name. what with your perfect hair and flawless complexion and little pouty kitten lips. middle america just can't give the title to someone from LA anyway and the women of the world want an idol that WE can drool over for a change!!

um. except the alternative isn't really "drooling material"...

anyway - that means - congratulations TAYLOR HICKS - you ARE the next american idol!!! even if i still think you look like my friend rob...

until next season - this is karen seacrest - one last time - out.

things that make you say ow...

i hate how effortlessly she can do this....

dear writers of csi

could we have just one season finale where we aren't totally stressed out about someone in the show only to get our happy ending at the end.  i mean - i know it ends the way we want and all.

but last year nickie - this year brass.  i can't take any more close to death calls with tthe cast!!!

oh - grissom and sarah - not a shocker - that's a long time coming.

if it were grissom and katherine - that would be a shocker...

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

we celebrate elliott yamin. elliott - you won't be my next american idol because i just flat out don't like you. you look like a goat. you sound like a goat. and you have a really unflattering haircut. oh. and you totally butchered a journey song. i hold steve perry in the highest esteem - so butchering a journey song is an unforgivable sin in my book...

i must have voted for katherine 50 times over 2 hours last nite just because i don't think you deserve to be in the final two - especially with chris gone.

so as ET would say...

"gooooooood byyyyyeee ellllllliiiiiooooott."

until next week - karen. out.

i'm old.

and sake is evil.

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol" we celebrate chris daughtry. chris - you won't be my next american idol because YOU WERE ROBBED! someone please call security right away becuase there is just no way that elliot should be in the top three and you shouldn't!

just NO WAY!!!

but since it's my job to insert a witty comment here - you won't be my next american idol because i don't like your s shaped sideburns and admitting that you once had ryan seacrest hair hurt your rocker style image.

personally - i'm starting an anti elliot campaign....

until next week. karen. POUT!

stupid season finale...

i'm officially mad at the end of the season shows now. i only cared about two or three this year. and so far 2 of them have totally sucked.

7th heaven

the series finale of 7th heaven was highly disappointing.  i hope i get better resolution from gilmore girls tonite...

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

*yawn*

welcome to "why you won't be my next american idol"...

karen seacrest had a late nite at the ritz last night and is running a liiiiittle bit slowly today.

this week we celebrate paris bennett. paris, you won't be my next american idol because i just don't want my daughter looking up to someone who does the "beyonce butt" dance and says "thank yew" in a minnie mouse voice 10 times after each song. it's a creepy combination.

i know that's kinda lame and uncreative and stuff - but i'm tired, okay?