i know this is gonna sound stupid

but i can't seem to figure out why it is when someone famous is murdered - it's called an assassination. but when joe blow down the street is killed because someone doesn't like him - it's just called murder.

i looked on wikipedia - cause if it's on wikipedia it must be true. hence wikiality. but that's not important.

wikipedia says that assassination is "the murder of a public figure. An added distinction, among assassination and other forms of killing is that the assassin has an ideological or political motivation, though many assassins (especially those not part of an organization) also demonstrate insanity; other motivations are money (contract killing), revenge, or a military operation."

i know that defines the word specifically as the murder of a public figure. i kinda wonder about the etymology of the word - but not enough to research it. but i don't get why we need a word to distinguish between the two.

it seems to me that when joe blow down the road was shot and killed for the $50 in his back pocket or because he was getting it on with someone else's woman - that he's just as dead as mr. super joe blow in hollywood, new york, or d.c. i don't think mr. super joe blow's murder is any more special than regular joe blow's murder. they're both dead at the hands of someone else.

to me it would seem that to call some one's murder an "assassination" makes it sound like it is more important, special, notable, and tragic than anyone else's murder. and something about that just doesn't seem right to me.

and now i'm thinking in circles. it's quite dizzying.

i should go back to writing about celebrities and reality tv. lucky for me that idol starts in a couple of weeks!

hmmm

according to this, my presidential match is democratic NM governor bill richardson.

interesting - i so wasn't heading his direction that i don't think i even have a clue who he is....

all i got for christmas is....

• 2 fleece throw blankies
• 1 box of colored pencils that i think were really intended for nina
• 1 helly kitty/hello christmas book + subscription to light and tasty
• 1 additional are you smarter than a fifth grader game (which santa brought nina)
• 1 pair of pj's
• 1 gwen stefani l.a.m.b. perfume gift set
• 1 kelly clarkson cd - my december
• 1 copy of Stephen Colbert's "I am America (and So Can You!)
• 1 $15 starbucks gift card
• 1 card with $50 that i have to share with jeff
• 1 set of spiffy knives like rachel ray and alton brown use.
• 1 grater thingie that has some professional name but we call a grater thingie
• 1 necklace
• 1 calendar - hand made by nina
• 1 large bath sheet towel - jeff got one that matches
• 3 plastic tumbler glasses with cats on them
• 2 beanie baby gingerbread boys - one boy - one girl
• 1 t-shirt from pensicola
• 1 battery operated candle glowy thingie
• 2 ornaments - one gingerbread - one new orleans mask/jester
• 1 chocolate gingerbread boy
• 1 letter from the eastern missouri bankruptcy court notifying me that the sperm donor had filed for chapter 7 bankruptcy and that i was listed as creditor because he still owes me over $16,000 and that i might want to contact a lawyer to make sure my rights were protected
• 1 pair of gingerbread boy socks
• 1 coffee mug with hot cocoa
• 1 losing scratchers ticket
• 2 tickets to see wicked at the fox on january 1

the politically correct christmas story...

i got a kick out of this piece from stltoday...

bad idea...

reports are saying that nick is considering doing a special on teenage pregnancy in light of the jaime lynn controversy.

i think it's a bad idea.

i am by no means a hypocrit. i had a kid out of wedlock. being a single mom is hard. i've been there.

i sat and watched the jaime lynn enhanced episode of showbiz tonight on cnn last nite and they were flying from all angles.

"she should be commended for not getting an abortion and stepping up to the plate."

yeah yeah yeah. she doesn't deserve a medal because she said she's keeping the baby. she should get one if she actually sticks to her word and tries to give the kid a normal life. not the hollywood kid life. but a normal life. without nannies or personal assistants or a pr agency to smooth things over.

"being a single mom is so hard - especially for a teenager!"

sure. talk to you me when you don't have a trust fund, hit tv show, cd, or deal with ok mag to sell your photos after the baby's born for several million dollars. try it with a savings account with $300 and no job or insurance. have to deal with the system. medicaid. child support. talk to me then.

"her career is over" "why can't she be a teenage mom and have a career too?"

she can have a career. i just don't think it should be this one. nina can no longer watch zoey 101. when i told her why - all she said was "she's too young to have a baby." she's a horrible example for little girls. "do as i say - not as i do."

i think that if nick goes ahead with this special to try and smooth over the crisis at hand - it's going to glamorize the whole concept of teenage pregnancy. ok has a deal for the first pictures of jaime and baby. jaime lynn isn't going to have a tough go of it. not at all. little girls have been looking up to her and now they're going to see what she did as being cool. having a baby is going to be a fun adventure for her. not the struggle that it really is for the single young mom. no matter how the publicists try to spin it.

nick can't fire her for being pregnant unless her contract has something in it about morals - which i doubt. but they can pull they show for bad ratings. and i have a feeling that they will be going down.

maybe i'm wrong. it's possible. i just can't see it as anything but a bad thing. the ok deal. the possible nick special. using jaime lynn as an example. all it will show is how much fun she's having - not the dirty nitty gritty of it all.

use a real situation as an example. not a piece of pr being spun by the master manipulators of truth in hollywood...

i am so depressed.

as of 4:10 pm central time today - nina will be 10....

oh - and how bout that jaime lynn spears?

ya'll remember...

ya'll remember (goin all britney spears on ya with my ya'lls now) back in the summer i gave ya'll a link to youtube for my intern who was trying to become an youtube star with their youtube series "chris n chair"?

well - the first full episode is finally available. doug tells me it's about 18 minutes long - so only watch when you have time...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYs4yT6fDxk

here's the link to part 2 of the first episode....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdrGW9v3JBQ

csi

nicki was buried alive.
brass was shot and almost died.
katherine had her daughter abducted and father shot to death in front of her eyes.
greg got the crap kicked out of him.
sara was abducted, trapped under a car, almost drowned in a desert rain storm and flash flood, and nearly died from dehydration and exaustion while trying to walk to safety.

now warrick is being accused of murdering a stripper and leaving her in his own car (now how dumb would he have to be to do THAT anyway - get real) while on a massive trip from combining perscription pharmacuticals.

is no one on the cast safe?

we've decided that grissom is the only one left - and we suspect that when they finally getting around to him - the ending won't be happy....

my take on this whole megan meier thing...

ya'll knew it would only be a matter of time before i chimed in on this with my thoughts. since it's all over the news - pretty much daily now - and the back lash on both sides is about insane - this is what i think.

Two wrongs NEVER make a right. Never.

The Drews created the account to gain her trust and teach her a lesson. It was wrong. No matter why they thought she deserved it - whatever they thought she did or was doing to their daughter to deserve to be taught a lesson - it was wrong. Revenge is always wrong.

What the Meier's did with the fooseball table - the distruction of property - while done out of grief and anger and passion of the heat of the moment - was wrong.

Now people are targeting either family for different reasons. The "blog". The lists of the Drew's personal information. The calls for boycotts. The protests. The vandilizations of homes. The harrassment of innocent bystanders and business owners. It's all wrong. Not one bit is justifiable. Not one bit of it makes anything right.

A little girl lost her life. A family lost their daughter. Another family has lost their business and saftey. How is any of the backlash going to fix that? It won't.

The only thing left to do is to treat our children the meaning of the word respect. Teach them that each person in this world is infinately valuable. Teach them to turn the other cheek. Teach them that each person has emotions, beliefs, concerns, feelings. Teach them that everyone is different and it's those differences that make us unique and special. Teach them what a boring world the place would be if everyone looked the same, felt the same, believed the same, had the same opinions. Teach them that it's those differences that make the world wonderful. Teach them that two wrongs NEVER make a right.

Most importantly, teach them that they don't have to like or agree with a person, but they do have to show them respect. Everyone deserves respect - no matter what they may or may not have done.

go tigers!!!

even if i'm not a mizzou alum. i mean - it's not like fontbonne had a football team. so if i'm gonna fit in at the office with all the other college football fans - i have to have someone to root for...

giggle

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9616331857

survey says?

i've added a new feature to my brain - to the right you will see a poll. this first one is lame. but i'm tanked up on cough meds right now - so i can't think of anything better...

so - survey says? what holiday decorations should i put up first?

i like gingerbread boys and girls...

yum.

more fun with neighbors...

so ya'll remember my insane weirdo neighbor who left the landscaping bricks in his front yard for 11 months until i called the city to report it??

well, two weeks ago, he had several panels of privacy fence delivered. they were placed in the back yard, lined up against the fence on one side of the yard like that was where they were going to be installed.

then they blew over and laid on the ground and up against the swing set for a few days. then they were picked up. then blown over again. now they are picked up again.

we're waiting to see how many months before they actually install the fence. we'll be happy when they do - it will block rolen's ability to see the dog he doesn't like...

roley poley update...

we took rolen back to the vet tonite and the dr. was very happy to see that rolen was doing much better. he actually admitted he was surprised to see him getting around so well. it's a night and day difference from where we were a week ago...

he's jumping on the couch better, moving around better, can stand to potty better, and is managing the stairs on the deck better. not better enough that we're moving his kennel back downstairs just yet. but better. he's eating and drinking like a pig which is largely because of the steroids. i took that steroid once for a spider bite and ate everything in sight. we went to the ball game where i out ate jeff by eating a foot long hotdog, hand rolled pretzel, large specialty nachos, ice cream, peanuts - and then looked at him and said i was still hungry.

he still can over do it pretty quickly and easily. but if we can get him to rest it helps. he's not as hyper as he usually is - i think he tires out quickly. but he's slowly returning to being his normal self.

the prognosis - while not officially given - appears to be really good. the vet refilled the antibiotics and steroids for another 10 days but reduced the dosages - antibiotics by half, steroids by 3/4 ths. we're still supposed to keep him still - but the more he heals - the harder that is. he thinks he's super dog. we're supposed to check back in 10 days.

this has changed our thanksgiving plans quite a bit. he's not well enough to go wrestle with his doggie foster brother for four days straight - we'd be right back where we started. so on thursday, jeff and i will drive to the campground to meet up with my parents, siblings, and nina for dinner and then jeff will come back home to take care of rolen while nina and i stay until saturday morning. this way i can keep up the friday morning shopping tradition.

so - that's all that.

gobble gobble!

for those who have been wonderin

i know i've been quiet - but it's been a crazy couple of weeks.

jeff spent last week in NOLA. i should have pictures to post in the next few days.

and once he returned, rolen got really sick. he was doing this strange thing for about two weeks where he would come in from outside and drink a bunch of water and then he would throw it up. dogs do strange things like that so we didn't think much of it. friday i noticed a slight limp in his hind legs. saturday he started stumbling going up the stairs and stuff.

we got the vet to squeeze him in on saturday. the vet said he had a fever and thought he might have been infected by a tick and put him on an antibiotic and steroid. he stopped eating on saturday and by sunday was getting worse. there was no strength in his back legs. he couldn't go up stairs at all and down wasn't easy either. we had to move his kennel into our very small living room - where it still is. he still wasn't eating or drinking.

we took him back to the vet monday - by then he couldn't stand to pee or poo and was walking kinda like a frog. it was step. step. step. sit. they sedated him and did xrays and blood work. (BTW - PRICEY!) the xrays showed no breaks. the blood work was normal. no infections. white and red blood counts normal (which means it may not have been a tick at all). organs all fuctioning normally. they shot him with an anti inflammatory and told us to keep him quiet and still. touch back in a few days to check on his progress. we've been babying him ever since.

we got him to start eating on monday nite - i got some of those packets of food with the meaty chunks and potatos and rice. he thinks those are a treat anyway. he also started drinking again and he can keep it all down now.

the last two days have shown some improvement. if he's still for awhile - he can use his back legs better. but he over does it and tires out very easily. going potty is still an ordeal.

i'll touch base with the vet again tomorrow on his progress. i think i'll ask for an oral anti inflammatory to get us through the weekend - just in case. i think the shot helped quite a bit.

so that's the last week in a nut-shell.

it's hard to be my goofy self with this stuff goin on...

on a high note - my table took 6th place in epiphany's trivia nite saturday. we rock and stuff....

woops!

i wonder if perhaps the performer just wore the wrong outfit. perhaps she reached into her closet for her gorilla suit and accidently grabbed the g string and pasties instead...

sign the colbert petition!

i did...

http://www.colbert2008.org/

halloween pet peeves

i know that halloween has been over for about 12 hours now. but there are a few things that annoy me and i have to get them off of my chest.

1. people who don't follow the rules.

the rules are fairly simple, right? porch light on - you go to the house to trick or treat. no light - no treats. simple. you don't go to the doors without lights on. you don't leave your light on if you aren't home or have no intention of opening the door. it's really not hard. and if you are having a block party and you are all gonna hang out at one house with your bowls of candy - don't leave the lights on at your houses anyway...

2. i don't like propaganda with my candy.

i don't care what good cause you are a part of. i don't want peta stickers. coupons and information for body works at the science center. cereal baseball card prizes that you also gave us the past 3 years in a row. just fork over the kit kats and leave the rest to bumper stickers.

3. kids want junk.

while it's nice to think of the health of the kids and all, but most normal children don't eat sunflower seeds. air popped popcorn isn't usually good either. and don't even get us started on raisins.

4. make my kid work for her treat.

ask her about her joke. at least try to figure out what her costume is or acknowledge it. i spent a lot of time in good will for crying out loud!!!

you get the beeeeesssttt of both worlds....

happy halloween from hannah (and her entourage)...

i'm outraged...

i can't even begin to figure out how to break this to nina...

and for those out there saying she was a cheater because she was a dancer. she's not a dancer. she's a performer. singer. actress. you know - kinda like mel b? if sabrina was cheating - so was mel. and jane for that matter - she's admitted to dancing traning in her younger days...

i wanna be that kid...

so i was home sick yesterday with a nasty cold (no - i'm not better -just better than yesterday - thanks for askin'). i got myself all involved in the "Top Ten Most Blingiest My Super Sweet Sixteen Episodes" countdown.

i know i shouldn't watch these shows. but i can't help it. it's like a car accident. you know you shouldn't look. you don't even really want to look. and your totally ashamed about it because you look anyway - and then you kinda wished you didn't.

anyway. blingiest epsiode number one was totally insane. the kid was the son of l.a. reid and pebbles of hip hop/rap fame. and he just moved to new york and started a new school and basically was throwing this party to show off and make friends and stuff in my opinion. i think he had talked himself up so much that some of the kids really thought he was full of it.

anyway - before i give you the total cost of his party. here's a brief summary.

the invitations were custom made mp3 players with a file of his voice giving the party information. he invited pretty much everyone at the school. so like 400 mp3 players.

the party was held in jay z's club in new york - it was closed down for this part.

puff daddy showed up because he is this kid's god father.

they rented a mega expensive rolls royce at like $4000 an hour for his grand enterance which no one saw because they were all in the club.

they had rap video girl dancers hired to dance in the club.

and kanye west performed.

the overall cost of the party was $1.5 million. the kanye performance alone was $1 million.

now if that doesn't buy him a few untrue friends - nothing will.

in the meantime - i so wish i could go blow $4500 an hour on a car that i sit in for two minutes...

totally random thoughts...

• can they REALLY continue calling the show "prision break" if they've already accomplished the breaking out of prision part of the plot? i mean - wouldn't it be more approrpriate to call it "life on the lam" or something?
• how is it my cat can be asleep on my lap on the couch and suddenly just KNOW that there is a possum walking through our yard that could be seen from the window causing her to go nuts?
• if google weren't called google - what would it be called??
• do you think that guy on "dirty jobs" can expense his water bill due to the extensive showers he has to take after each episode?
• i wonder if mel b had a hard time fighting the urge to sing along with the band monday night when she and her partner danced to "spice up your life". even more - i wonder if she was cursing under her breath because the band did it badly...
• i'm highly disappointed in the new pinapple runt flavor. and the mango isn't great either. and i love mangos...

i got to sit in the dugout and you didn't!

i'm probably violating some copyright thing at the moment because this was taken by one of our event photographers. but when we went on the busch stadium tour as part of our reunion event a couple weeks ago - i got to sit in the dugout and stand on the field - but not on the grass - and sit on mike shannon's yoga ball (not as kinky as it sounds - i promise)...

blech...

so a week or so ago my doctor increased one of my medications from twice a day to three times a day.

the drug has side effects that play with appitite.

and ever since i started increasing the medication - i totally lack an appetite. i'm not hungry. the thought of food makes me nausiated. i have to force myself to eat 85% of the time.

it kinda sucks....

except for the part where the scale told me i was 5 pounds lighter this morning. that part wasn't so bad...

news flash

there are currently - as of 11:55 this morning - central time - people camped out in front of the fox theater on grand - waiting to buy......


clay aiken tickets. they go on sale tomorrow.

um...

is anyone out there???

solicitation...

i am soliciting donations toward a fund so that i can buy a laptop.

see - i have this short story floating around in my head. i haven't written one in so long - part of me isn't sure i know how to do it anymore. (what's the subject and where do i put the predicate again? and is it mandatory to use the word "nipple" - i seem to remember something from the college paper about that...) a few people ragged on my writing a few years ago. some people say they believe in me. others i don't think mean it. actions speak louder.

but darnit all to poopyville - there's something in my head and if i don't get it out - i'm going to go insane. or drown. because i always seem to think about it in the shower. and the thoughts just keep going and going and i have no where to put them and then by tomorrow they are gone and i have to start all over again.

and i don't seem to have a computer around when i have time to actually write it. like in the shower. not that a laptop would help me in the shower. but you get the point.

and i can't do it the old fashioned way. my hand gets crampy writing my to do list.

so i need a laptop. who wants to help me? who wants to see the story floating in my head?? come on. who wants to see? who wants to be first???

i'm tellin ya. i could be the next j.k. rowlings. cept - what's in my head is so totally not fantasy...

gripes and grins...

GRIPES

• i haven't received child support since august. and the last bit before that was may. children can't live on $50 every six months.
• no matter how hard i try - i can't seem to make everyone happy.
• i really wish i could do part time work for full time pay.
• i know there's something i'm meant to do with my life - i just can't seem to find it.
• i don't have enough hours in the day. to sleep. to work. to play.
• i'm always tired and i sometimes feel like a bad mom and wife.

GRINS

• i have some good friends who have stood by me through anything.
• my best friend will happily take a 15 minute phone call from me where i do nothing but bitch and never mentions that i forgot to ask her anything about her day before i have to hang up.
• i have food in my belly, a roof over my head, and a thick comforter on my bed and people to share it all with.
• i have homemade chocolate chip ice cream hardening in my freezer - courtesy of my new ice cream maker (4 years is the appliance anniversary)
• i have a purring kitty in my lap who will continue to love me unconditionally as long as i continue to give her food.
• i have a husband, daughter, and family who all love me - even when the laundry isn't done, the sink is full of dishes, and i only have energy to serve hot dogs and mac and cheese for dinner.

stress...

how come i wasn't interviewed for this?

crazy dentistry...

and people wonder why i'm so afraid to go to the dentist...

r.i.p.

i would like to share a moment of silence in the memory of lisa moore, beloved wife of les moore, mother of summer moore and darin fairgood, lawyer, breast cancer activist, friend. she passed on the morning of october 4, 2007 with the printing of the morning paper. her courage, humor, good heart, and wit will be missed by readers everywhere...

and let us not comment on how lame i am to mourn a comic strip character. i'm already well aware of that...

idea for a new reality show...

it stars me...

and i'm a prospective employee...

and i am interviewing prospective employers, spending time in their offices, seeing how they behave with others in their natural habitat, giving them challenges, plastering them with booze, etc.

and then i meet with my - i dunno - headhunter guy - and together we talk about each employer and how great they are or sucky they seem...

and then i hold a ceremony where i give each prospective employer except for one a business card with my name on it and tell they that they are still in the running toward becoming the next source of my income...

and one by one - I REJECT THEM until i'm down to the last two potential employers....

and then i get to decide who is worthy of my efforts and who can go back to the bottom of the prospective pool and start interviewing with someone new all over again....

i'm telling you. it's a totally great, money making, emmy winning, brilliant idea...

who wants to help me pitch it to vh1?

favorite quote from last nite's episode of house...

Henry: So I’m playing this whole game to be like… your secretary.
House: Assistant sounds marginally less demeaning.
Henry: Not my dream job.
House: Actually it is. Just isn’t your dream title.

woot woot pt. 2

ugly betty was pretty good. i cried at the end when her sister came back to reality and said that santos was dead. *sniffle* i knew it all along. kept telling jeff he was really dead and she was dreaming...

csi - i don't know why - but i'm a bit disappointed. can't put my finger on it. however, i read today that jorja fox and cbs couldn't come to a contract agreement and she will leave the show in november. i'll believe it when i see it - we've been down this path before...

and for the rock of love finale - thank god he picked jes! heather is a fat stripping sore loser cow. i didn't like her already - but when she failed the diabetic test - i was uber mad.

jeff wondered out loud if it was just a test or if it was real. but i'm pretty sure it was real. especially the one with jes. he looked "classic low" to me...

hmmm.

i miss gillmore girls...

can i get a woot woot?

let us all celebrate the return of our favorite tv shows to the airwaves. (trying hard not to whine about gilmore girls.)

review so far:

house - not too bad. "you kidnapped my guitar!"

criminal minds - missing it to work on a "potential job essay" - i swear - never had to send a followup to a resume and cover letter that talks about my job history, career goals, and favorite book before. but rob's proofing it for me. it's just like old times.

ugly betty and csi - i'll get back to you on friday...

must brag...

this is of little or no importance to anyone but me - but i would just like the entire world to know that i bowled my very first 200 game tonite at bowling. a 202 to be exact. it's taken me five years to meet this goal.

my next goal is a 500 seires (i fell 5 pins short tonight).

then it's a clean game.

after that - i have no clue.

but for now i'll just bask in my 200 game glory...

yeah me!!!!

so, i've been thinkin a lot lately...

it's no secret that i wasn't the world's most popular child as a kid. in the fourth grade, i changed schools. as "the new kid" - i was automatically an outsider. i hadn't been there since preschool or kindergarten and therefore i was automatically labeled as different. very few attempts were made to get to know me. and the fact that i didn't wear guess jeans and have perms every six months didn't help. i didn't have tons of friends. the friendships that i did have were always on and off again. i was one of maybe 5 kids who was ALWAYS the subject of ridicule.

i didn't fit in.

most of the time, i was okay with it. i dealt. i managed. sure. i cried. i whined. i begged to go someplace else - where i know now i would likely face the same thing all over again. but i dealt. i do remember the occasional incidence of becoming hysterical because i felt like the world was against me. everyone was against me. everything was against me. and it was all done on purpose. the straw that broke me was usually minor and my reaction to the straw was usually just more ammunition for those who picked on me. "look how crazy she is - blowing up over that." but it was the minor straw that was just too much to add to the load.

in high school. it was a bigger pond. i wasn't such a small fish. still a point of ridicule to many - but not as many. the number of friends grew - but i was never the most popular, sought after, "hey we can't do this without her" member of the bunch. i was never the ring leader or idea girl - because my ideas were usually squashed by someone in the group with a stronger personality. so i was the go along girl. i think that high school was my first incidence of conforming my personality to mesh with those around me. most highly exemplified by my three year stint with the pro life club. i did do some things because i wanted to do them. but i did other things because all of my friends were doing it too (which was also the reason i left the pro life club - but that's another story). i didn't want to be perceived as TOO different.

by college - i really think i was more of a loner. i found my nitch. i found my friends - when john let me have them that is. but it's also no secret that i followed rob where ever he went most of the time. and if i wasn't with my friends (when john would let me out of his sight that is) i was alone. i think i was pretty content with that. i have blocked a lot of that out though.

i wasn't much of a "mingler". i, to this day, can't make small talk - which is interesting - because i have plenty of opinions and plenty to say and am full of information that i can talk about. i'm just always too afraid that i won't be liked for what i say about my opinions or that i'm going to sound stupid, unintelligent, or not as informed as i think i am. i lack confidence. i'm not outgoing. i can't walk into any situation and rule the roost and draw attention and have everyone like me. more often than not - i don't think my presence is even noticed.

i said this past weekend that my sister was born with the bulk of the family's confidence. what she didn't get went to my brother. and by the time i came along - there was nothing left for me. and so here i am today.

i am the ultimate conformist. i attempt to camouflage my personality to cope with just about any situation i happen to be in. any group of people i happen to be with. any place i happen to be. however, new situations and new people cause me anxiety. i suppose i'm too afraid of not being accepted or failing and i think it's a big part of why i try to conform to any situation i face.

someone recently said i was one of the most thoughtful people they knew because i was always thinking of other people or doing things for other people. i think i told her she was nuts. but i do think of others a lot. people i know and care about. however - there's a part of me that wonders if deep down somewhere - this developed out of a desire to be liked and thinking that it would make me likable. my thoughts are genuine. but i find myself wondering if they have a selfish root.

i don't like being a conformist. i never realized it. but if i take a look at my life and everything that goes on in it - i find very few situations where i feel like i'm totally me and that being totally me is totally acceptable. i find myself conforming more and more. speaking up where i agree. keeping quiet where i disagree. denying any praise because i fear it isn't genuine. trying not to acknowledge when someone breaks my spirit. pretending to be go with the flow and knowing in my heart that i'm failing miserably.

it's a very sad moment to look around you and realize that you know you don't fit in no matter how hard you try. a sad moment to realize that pretending to fit in hurts your spirit. and a sad moment to find yourself realizing it more often than you don't.

i promise...

there IS an updated post coming. it's all up here *thumps noggin*...

i just need to find time to get it all in this little box right here *thumps computer monitor*...

if only i had a laptop and wireless - i could totally do minute by minute blogs on big brother (donatos suck!) and rock of love (go jess!).

thank god csi, criminal minds, and ugly betty start in a week....

smile

i always have to take a minute to upload a picture of me where i don't look too horrible.

at least i look better than i felt that day. it's a cropped shot. the rest of it has my two closest work friends. it was the last day of one of them.

i've been miserable ever since...

I DID IT!

i captured the illusive "rolen sleeps like a dead cockroach" picture!

my morning car conversation

*car radio* coming up next - be caller number 9 and have a chance to win hannah montanna tickets before the even go on sale on wednesday - we'll be playing kid's bop singing bee!

*nina* MOMMY!!! MOMMY!!! MOMMY!!!!!

*me* Nina - i'm trying.

*phone* beep. beep. beep. redial. beep. beep. beep. redial. beep. beep. beep. redial. beep. beep. beep.

*nina* MOMMY!!! YOU KNOW ALL HANNAH'S SONGS! YOU CAN WIN ME TICKETS!!!

*phone* beep. beep. beep. redial. beep. beep. beep. redial. beep. beep. beep. redial. beep. beep. beep.

*nina* MOOOOMMY!!!

*me* nina - i told you i'm tryin. can you hear the busy signal???

*phone* beep. beep. beep. redial.

*nina* yes but i REALLY REALLY REALLY wanna go!

*me thinking* you saw her last year sillyhead.

*phone* beep. beep. beep. redial.

*nina with sad eyes while being dropped off at grandma's house* you aren't going to give up are you???

*me thinking* stupid puppy dog eyes!

*phone* beep. beep. beep. redial. beep. beep. beep. redial. beep. beep. beep. redial. beep. beep. beep.

*me* YOU DUMMY! IT'S "TELL ME BOY NOW WOULDN'T IT BE SWEET?"

*phone* beep. beep. beep. redial. beep. beep. beep. redial. beep. beep. beep. redial. beep. beep. beep.



and thus - with a beep beep beep - i have once again failed to secure nina's everlasting happiness with hannah montana tickets. darn you y98! don't you know better than to have those contests at a time when a kid might be in the car guilting her mom!

so i got so depressed yesterday....

i was walking around the office with the keys for our new office space downstairs and i said "i am the key master."

my intern looked at me like i was strange - which i'm totally used to. he had no clue.

i was like "it's a total movie reference! you should know that!"

he asked if it was from some old movie that was before his time.

i said "it's ghostbusters!"

and he said "exactly - it's an old movie."

*sniffle*

isn't that sad??

pssst....

it's still hot....

so for your entertainment - here's pics from our day trip to springfield with nina.

she even rubbed lincoln's nose - after i lifted her up to do it. his nose was higher than i remembered it being....

hey kristine...

did you get my email that i can't make it sunday!?!?!?

fyi.

it's hot.


that is all.

yes sir - that's my intern!

my intern and his friends are trying to become you tube famous. so i thought i'd help.

here's the opening sequence to their new show - chris 'n chair.

more to come i'm sure.

misuse of the hello kitty kitty!

how on earth could sweet little hello kitty kitty be considered a form of punishment? she's so SWEET!!!

what the hell did i do that for??

i joined myspace. don't know why. i've been dead set against it for so long. heard it was a swingers site.

maybe i have a secret desire to be "myspace" stalked. lord knows i've done my fair share - and oh the people i've found. *shutter*

what do you think? is the background me??

http://www.myspace.com/gfygrl129

sorry i let you all down...

i never finished my harry potter posts before the book came out. they were in this order:

3rd fav: hagrid - cause his just a big lovable oaf.
2nd fav: harry - bet you thought he would be first huh?
1st fav: hermione - girl power baby! all that and brains too! kind of role model i want nina to have!

picked up the book at 9 am on saturday. started reading at 11 am. by sunday night i had 5 chapters to go. i finshed the last at lunch today.

and i'm overall happy with it. still not sure i really buy harry and ginny as a couple - if she was going to make ginny a romantic interest for harry - rowlings should have started working on it back in book 3 or 4 instead of wasting so much time on his infatuation with cho. starting it off in the book six didn't give us enough time to really believe it!

i won't say who lives or dies. some of my predictions were sort of trueish. not exact - but close.

mayor slay rejects "ike turner day" ...

i know that i owe you 2 harry potter posts today. yesterday was rough so i didn't get to it.

however - in the meantime to tide you over until i can get it together - i'm happy to report that mayor slay has denied the request to proclaim a day over labor day weekend as "ike turner day" to celebrate the effect he had on music history. he was met with a lot of opposition from women's support groups because of ike turner's violent tina beating and drug doing past.

i'm super happy. i was already planning my protest sign - i just hadn't decided if i was going to protest at the concert - or at the mayor's house which is just ever so close to mine....

my fourth favorite harry potter character...

is professor snape...

i still believe he's good.
i still believe there is more to him that we know.
i still believe that he killed dumbledore as part of of dumbledore's ultimate plan.
i still believe that dumbledore wouldn't have trusted him all this time without reason - dumbledore isn't dumb enough to be tricked by snape - perhaps dumbledore made him take the unbreakable vow to always be loyal?

after all - we only see snape through harry's eyes and what's that they say about two sides and every story??

i saw an interview this morning with daniel radcliff and he said that he thinks that in the end - snape will turn out to be the tragic hero of the harry potter series. worth some thought....

not as cute as he used to be...

celebrating the 20th anniversary of my favorite movie "The Princess Bride" - here are then and now shots of all of the cast. well - everyone except andre the giant of course.

wesley's just not as cute as he was as a sweet, quiet little farm boy with his naughty sword carrying side...

and did you hear that inigo montoya is leaving criminal minds over "creative differences"? that sucks...

my fifth favorite harry potter character...

in an effort to get us all pumped for the holiday on saturday, i am going to count down to the big day by counting down my top five favorite harry potter characters!

i know you are all totally psyched. and if you aren't - pretend convincingly...

so here goes.

my fifth favorite harry potter character is....

NEVILE!

i think there's so much more to nevile than people know and see. and he's kinda unsure of himself. bad self esteem. feels everything he does is done wrong no matter how hard he tries. can't stand up for himself. not super popular. but when he whipped out that wand and threatened bad hair lady in the latest movie - i felt personal triumph! i mean - with the exception of the parents driven to the insanity ward at st. mungos and the gift with plants - i feel a strange sort of connection with nevile. why - it's kinda like readin about meself (as hagrid would say)...

i am an orphan

just like harry potter.

and i'm moving into a cardboard box with a sign that says "free puppy" and i'm gonna use big sad eye faces that mean "are you my mother?"

news of the weird...

and it really doesn't seem to be much weirder than this...

oh harry - how do i loathe thee wait...

i am quiet impatiently passing my time until the release of the fifth harry potter movie and even more importantly - the long awaited seventh book.

it's been two years. TWO YEARS! two years since the "death" of dumbledore at the "hands" of snape. after reading that - i refused to believe that he was REALLY dead - i thought it was all part of dumbledore's ultimate plan. but jk has said in interviews that he is dead. so if i have to accept his death - then i am choosing to believe his brains, knowledge, and wisdom will continue to live on in one of the portraits in the headmaster's office and he will give his instructions from there. or he could be a ghost. i'm still kinda hazy on what makes some wizards ghosts and others not. even if nick did explain it in book 5.

i do think that dumbledore planned his own death though. i think he knew about snape's taking of the unbreakable vow and made it work in his plan. i don't think snape is evil. in fact - i've got to thinking - perhaps snape is a relative of lily - you know - harry's mom. lily used to yell at james when he picked on snape and seemed to have a strange sense of affection and desire to protect him. much like one would a brother. now - i don't think that they are siblings - because hello - they didn't have the same parents and smelly petunia would have said something if she had a gifted brother too. however, both snape and lily were gifted at potions and i don't think it's a coincidence.

i also don't think it is a coincidence that james and lily died in godric's hallow, that godric griffyndor was one of the founders of hogwarts, that harry is in the house of griffyndor, and that harry was able to pull godric griffyndor's sword out of the sorting hat (also originally owned by godric griffyndor). i really think that harry may be a decedent of godric himself and the home in godric's hallow was a family home. there is significance here. i'm sure of it. especially since this month of july 2007 in which both the fifth movie and seventh book are to be released - godric griffyndor has been chosen as wizard of the month on jk's webpage. fishy. VERY fishy.

there is also the issue of who is "R.A.B." and how did he/she know that the horacrux in the locket existed. lots of speculation that it's a member of the black family. but what about the possibility that it isn't just ONE person - but that each letter stands for an initial of a person involved? it could happen! except the only "B" i can come up with is Bill Weasley and that seems to be a stretch.

the love connections. ron has to end up with hermione. harry with ginny. no other match is doable - because i'm certain that even in the wizarding world it is illegal for ron to end up with ginny.

i really don't think harry, ron, or hermione is going to die. i could just be in denial. but i just don't think that they will. (and in true karen fashion - i will probably read the end before i read the rest just so i have the answer to this question because it kills me more and more with each passing day)...

i do think that the following people could all die:

neville - as books progressed - his character has become more and more important. the prophecy could have been about him. big noseless baby voldemort just picked harry. but i think it still makes neville vulnerable.

hagrid - it would be so sad to see him die - but i really think he would try to physically protect harry and die. and no one would see it coming.

snape - once he is finally redeemed and seen as good and the reasons why dumbledore has always trusted him is known - he could then die.

the agony is killing me.

in the meantime - i'll just keep reading all the harry potter entries on wikipedia - it's SO interesting...

i am so tired...

we're dog siting and it's interfering with my sleeping patterns....

another day....

another rejection...

nobody likes me everybody hates me i'm gonna eat some worms....

i'm okay with this one though. really. i promise....

it has come to my attention

that planters has discontinued the cheezball. i, for one, think this is a total travesty.

the world as i knew it is no longer the same. the days of sitting in the car in traffic at the riverport/umb/verison amitheater traffic afer a concert at midnight eating an entire canister of cheezballs are no longer an option.

and what about the future generations? poor nina will never know the joy of a cheezball canister binge! isn't that sad?? doesn't it make you want to cry?

awful. totally awful. there isn't even a word awful enough to properly relay to you all just how awful of an issue this is.

i say we all BAND TOGETHER!

DEMAND THE RETURN OF THE CHEEZEBALL! Don't eat a single planters product until the Cheezball is returned to the shelf! eat those emerald nuts or whatever. no more mr. peanut!

here is the contact screen from the planters webpage. send them nasty notes!

the CHEEZBALL SHALL PREVAIL!!!

what karen has been reading...

while in charlotte over the weekend i finished reading "the overachievers the secret life of driven kids" by alexandria robbins. she wrote another book that i read last fall called "pledged the secret life of sorieties". and one called secrets of the tomb: skulls and bones, the ivy leagues and the hidden paths that i want to add to the pile of books to read.

i enjoyed overahievers as much as i enjoyed pledged. it really makes you think - especially when you are employed by a university. the book follows the lives of eight or so high school juniors or seniors from a prestegious high school in maryland as they prepare and experience the SAT's and college application process. i know for a fact that i never pushed myself in high school as hard as these kids did. i took the ACT once. i got a score that was good enough to get into the college that i wanted to attend and teach in missouri and i didn't take it again hoping for a better score. i only applied to one school because application fees cost too much. if i hadn't been accepted i would have probably attended community college.

these kids took the SAT three or four times hoping to increase their score just a couple more points. many applied for early admission - something i don't think i knew existed. if they were accepted - they were stuck there. if the weren't - the could reapply or apply elsewhere. then the applied to several schools. they visited several colleges - i didn't even VISIT fontbonne until after i was accepted and had to take my placement test. and i was baffled how these kids could log onto a webpage and see their SAT scores on a certain date and time - or check for admission results on a college's webpage. what happened to the old "thick or thin mom? is it thick or thin?!?!?" days?

in between stories about the individuals there are periods of commentary and research. i find myself in agreement with the author about the ranking of colleges and universities. i won't say what it is - since i work for a ranked university and all. but i do agree with her.

i really don't think i would have been any happier in an ivy league than i was at a small school like fontbonne. i rather liked the small school atmosphere to be honest because i think it allowed for much more productive and intellectual conversations during classes because the student:teacher ratio was so small. it's hard to have a good productive conversation with 50 people in a room.

then again - had i gone to an ivy league - maybe nina's daddy daddy would have been a kennedy...

next on the book list is "if i am missing or dead". a personal memior about the author's life with an abusive husband and emotional feelings when her own sister turned up missing and then dead at the hands of her own abusive relationship. so far it seems most of the book is back story and the abusive husband story with the climax of the sister's death taking place near the very end and not holding as much of the book's focus which i find pretty disappointing since i was drawn in by the fact that the author's sister left a note in her desk drawer at work saying that if she were missing or dead - her boyfriend was to blame and why. it's also written in a very strange tense - sort of a first person present sort of tense with things like "i walk down the beach and sit on a log. kurt comes up and beats me up." which is strange for a memoir. plus - she doesn't use quotation marks when someone speaks. now i know i type in all lowercase letters and use a lot of ..... which drives my english major friends nuts (right kristine?) - but at least i use quotation marks!

gotta make sure i don't get myself too involved in a long drawn out book though. harry potter comes out in 3 weeks....

grrrr....

reason #607 why i hate people....

back to the grind...

after 12 hours in the car and ten pounds of sugar - i arrived in st. louis at 9 last nite. i fell into bed just before 11. i woke up at 9:15 this morning in almost the exact position i fell asleep in. and i felt like someone beat me up one side and down the other with a headache and a sugar hangover...

here are my ranks and scores...

for teams:

rank - 2310 Div II
111,110,154

for doubles:

rank - 4269 Div III
128,129,117

for singles:

rank - 767 Div IV
136,117,155

for all events:

rank - 944 Div IV
375,374,408 (series pin totals for a total of 1157 pins for the whole weekend)

all ranks are subject to change because women are still bowling until july 2. won't know until then if i won any money - but i'm not holding my breath....

and i don't know how many people/teams are in each divison. divisions are based on averages with division 4 being the lowest averages. i know that division 2 and 3 usually have the most bowlers. and i know there are over 40,000 total women participating...

i can say that my series in singles was only 100 pins lower than the person in 10th place though...

on the road again...

i hate bowling. and i hurt.


see ya'll in 16 hours....

look out charlotte...

here i come - and i got my bowlin ball, three books, and a big bag of buttery popcorn....

do i scare ya??

packing...

i hate getting things together the day before a trip....

just a fraction of what you get when you have an awesome partylite party...

you can have all this and more!

$330 worth of product free*

5 items at half price*

a couple hostest specials*

tons of options for free teelights (i got 7 dozen)*

and a ups delivery of 7 boxes of candle stuff to your back door with an hour of time spent sorting through votives and tealights with a very confused nose and smelly living room...

kristine - when should we do lunch? i'm out of town this weekend. let me know...

*tax and shipping charges not included - but still a darn good deal....

how to entertain yourself on a monday nite...

step 1 - take fat cat with horrible shedding trouble, dandruff, and has never had a bath in her life to petsmart for a full bath and shedding treatment.

step 2 - watch skinny cat rejoice that fat cat is leaving the house.

step 3 - pick up fat cat from petsmart and bring her home.

step 4 - watch skinny cat pout at fact that fat cat came back.

step 5 - let fat cat out of bag to run straight to litter box.

step 6 - watch fat cat walk funny because her claws are shorter than normal and she's never had that gross mike rowe anal duct cleaning before.

step 7 - watch fat cat plop down and start grooming more than you have ever seen before because she doesn't like the way she smells.

step 8 - watch skinny cat tip toe around fat cat because she looks kinda like the same cat - only nicer - and she smells really different.

step 9 - repeat step seven in different location.

step 10 - repeat step seven while fat cat avoids human who took her to the torture chamber.

step 11 - repeat step 8 and add on sniffing every spot fat cat has been in and spots that she hasn't to see that they still smell normal.

step 12 - watch stupid dog sniff cat bag, cat, and every inch of the house - trying to identify that strange smell.

step 13 - watch fat cat isolate herself so that she can groom in peace and avoid human who took her to torture chamber, skinny cat's sniffing, and stupid dog's everything...

step 14 - watch stupid dog bounce kong down the stairs and land perfectly on back of couch to be quickly retreived by stupid dog...

step 15 - watch stephanie mcmahon pretend to cry and threaten revenge about "whoever did this to ma-ah dad!"

step 16 - sleep until 2 am when you awake to find that fat cat is no longer mad at human who took her to torture chamber and is showing her affection by laying on top of her legs so that she can't roll over...

kristine

did you win a votive and a tealight on saturday and leave them at my house? kelly says they aren't hers but they were left on the hall tree where you guys sat...

sorry for lack of email - i'm home today. nina's sick...

no longer waiting...

and for those who knew why i was - i'm not really wanting to talk about it.

you know what's tacky?

hand addressing an envelope and placing a "you suck form letter inside" that isn't individually personalized, is a photo copy of said letter, and was printed on an 8 x 11 piece of paper twice and cut in half to make two letters...

tacky tacky.

and no - this wasn't why i was waiting. however, the fact that i've received 2 "you suck" letters in the past 2 days - doesn't make me feel very good about future oportunities....

waiting again...

but i feel tons better about it this time...

meanie...

jeff won't let me have one of these...

here i go again...

preppin to look all professional again tomorrow....

brick update

okay - i don't know where they went - but the remaining two pallets of patio bricks are gone. they didn't build another wall yesterday with them. and they could be in the back yard - i didn't look.

but they are all gone. all gravel is gone. all bags of tons of crap is gone. i called the city on may 31st. all taken care of by june 5.

nice turn around.

next on my list - neighbor's roaming cat who pooped in my new flower ring....

patio brick update

so we woke up early on saturday morning to a guy over at my neighbor's house working on building a big retaining wall with the bricks. came back yesterday - along with a guy who first started the stupid project a year ago. was back today. they have the four slats of bricks down to two slats of bricks.

i guess "someone must have said something".... *evil laugh*

to be continued....

giggle

does this story sound familiar to anyone??

our latest neighbor gripe involves a neighbor who had 4 pallets of patio bricks delivered to his home for a project on his front porch. the pallets were left on his front lawn. now this really wouldn't be a big deal - except that they were delivered on june 30th of last year!

after about 5 months of discussing doing so - i finally called the city the other day. i'll keep you posted...

i hate sharing...

especially since jeffy shared his sinus trouble, head/chest cold with me...

this post is mostly for kristine...

hey kristine - i caved in.

nina got her first bra yesterday.

this way she has all summer to adjust to it and by the time school starts again it won't be a big deal to her and she won't go to school bragging about it to her friends which will only give them more ammunition to be mean to her...

everyone wants to know why i caved. i won't say for sure. but it MAY have had something to do with her stepmother calling me and asking if she could get her one a few weeks ago. that's so a mother/daughter moment - not a mother/stepmother moment.

i called her a not nice name when i hung up the phone...

is anyone out there???

i'm so lonely in here...

scenes from - everything...

here are links to all the vegas, birthday, and dance recital pictures.

grab a soda and some popcorn and sit back and enjoy!

vegas part one

vegas part deux

dance recital

birthday

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

welcome to the season six finale edition of "why you won't be my next american idol." as always - i am your host. karen seacrest.

it all comes down to this.

blake.

jordin.

blake.

jordin.

blake

jordin.

come on - it was a total no brainer people!!

so after a very long, drawn out, two hours full of performances, silly awards, and "surprises" - all of which were revealed yesterday on tmz - we come to the five seconds of tv that we have been waiting to see for the past five months.

that's right. the repeat of sanjaya making that little girl cry. almost as sweet the second time around. as if the girl wasn't picked on enough the first time - she came back for more! her parents must be so proud!

speaking of the hair wonder - have you guys seen this video on tmz? it's a guy - who everyone is saying IS sanjaya - but i don't think is due to the fact that he won't remove his sunglasses - who claims that he isn't really sanjaya but that sanjaya was a character he created for some human art project and he's really a 25 year old guy name bill. craziness!

as you can see - i'm trying to drag this out to be as long as the show. i fully plan to run 10 minutes over - you've been warned...

anywho. blake. jordin.

jordin. blake.

oh the suspense!

i guess i've dragged it out long enough. so this week on "why you won't be my next american idol" we say "bbbbbbye bye bbbbbye bye" to beat-boxin-blake lewis. while it was very original and hadn't been done by any idol contestant before - i think it may have been the beat boxin that did you in. it was a gimmick. taylor had a gimmick too. and i don't think too many of us are hearing his singles on the radio. and i've heard his shows aren't doing so great. he let us down. maybe the american idol voting public was afraid you would let us down too. after all - the most successful idol contestant from season five is the one who didn't even make the top 2!!

so this of course means that glimmering little jordin "sparkle" sparks - you WILL BE my next american idol! what with your big smile, positive outlook, infectious giggle, positive body image and that cute little way you make your hands into a heart when ryan gives out your voting phone number - oh - and your fabulous voice and stage presence - you are an idol who can be a positive role model for my daughter - which in the end is really all that i ask for. i would be proud to have your cd sitting on her shelf next to hannah montana.

so - now that you've sat through the super sized webisode of your favorite weekly rambling - i leave you for my summer hiatus. i'll see you all again in january.

one last time. i am karen seacrest. out.

still to come...

scenes from dance recital - i know you are all just going crazy with anticipation....

scenes from my birthday

coworkers are evil...

nina can eat with chopsticks - and i can't...

and then she wouldn't pay the bill!

scenes from vegas

when you get up at 4:30 am to leave for the airport by 6, fly to a place that is two hours behind you, and then stay out drinking until midnight vegas time - you look like this.

season/series finale review

7th heaven - i haven't been watching most of the year because the season just got really bad. and it ended really bad too. i mean - really - i don't care HOW BIG the motorhome is - there is no way you can get 20 people in it comfortably for an unspecified amount of time...

gilmore girls - at least they got luke and lorelai back on track and i can pretend that they floated off into the sunset on his boat for the summer.

but the episode needed at least one mrs. kim outburst and one funny scene with sabastian bach....

criminal minds - i missed the first five minutes and was forever lost after that...

ugly betty - i hate cliff hangers! you know daniel and alexis aren't dead. cause there's no show without daniel. i'm not sure what to think of amanda being fey's daughter other than that means that bradford is probably her father which means that daniel slept with his sister and amanda was in love with her brother. EWW! in a way the killing santos off thing kinda shocked me. but since i never liked him at all - i'm okay with it - except for what it's going to do to poor little gay justin...

csi - i was a little disappointed. they've been leading up to this all season and all we get is a mentally disturbed former foster child who can remember every room she sees after only a couple of seconds?? not at all what i expected. and they left us with a cliff hanger too - which i can't STAND. not to mention the emotional stress it gives us to try and kill off ANOTHER csi. only this time it's worse cause they left it open and we don't know what happens. (i heard a rumor that the actress who plays sarah may be in dispute with the show again - maybe she won't be back). but really - i can't take anymore tv related stress people!!

before csi starts...

i wanna say that i'm pretty sure that sara has some relation to the miniature killer. she was in the foster system for a long time and that train guy had foster kids. and that name of that one foster child that greg mentioned last week was a girl.

i'm tellin you - it's important....

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

well - it's that time of year. may sweeps. cliff hangers. wonderful shows ending - so long ladies of gilmore!

this is your melancholy episode of "why you won't be my next american idol" and as always i am your host - karen seacrest.

what to say. what to say. this week we are all shedding tears over the loss of our dear, humble, melinda doolittle. melinda - you won't be my next american idol because YOU WERE ROBBED! TOTALLY ROBBED! someone call for security, lock the doors, and check everyone's pockets for missing melinda votes because YOU WERE ROBBED!

not since the scandalous departure of chris daughtry have we seen someone robbed quite so badly. not even gina!!

but - once again - i have to say something funny and full of wit - because that's what you all expect. soooo. i guess you won't be my next american idol because...

because...

because....

oh forget it - i just can't think of anything that justifies her early dismissal. you'll all just have to suffer...

that said - vote for jordin!!

karen seacrest. out.

for those keeping track...

i'm old today...

and my cubical is a sea of black streamers and balloons...

some people are so mean...

last week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

welcome to this very, very late installment of "why you won't be my next american idol". i'm your host - karen seacrest.

would you all believe that identifiying myself as THE "karen seacrest" wasn't good enough to get me into the hip bars in vegas or get my room upgraded to a penthouse suite?? i'm really shocked. i thought everyone knew my name. i'm so bummed that i didn't get to party with lindsey and kfed. i saw on tmz that cameron was out there this weekend too. i totally had to settle for walking past a store where pete rose was signing autographs and sharing a plane with former st. louis rams' tight end roland williams. oh - and i watched a couple of workers take away the last david hasselhoff advertisement as his "behavior" of late has led to him no longer performing in "the producers". had he been there - i'm sure the hoff would have totally cried like he did on the idol finale last year....

ohh - and for a small price of $2000 i could have purchased a guitar autographed by all 3 judges. but since i couldn't really read Simon's name and couldn't verify that it didn't say Sean Gunn - i thought i would save my money...

anyway - thanks to parents on all sides of my family - i was well aware of the fact that last week we would be saying tootles to lakisha jones - and i was aware 2 hours before everyone else in vegas! at least the name has SOME perks. anyway - lakisha - you won't be my next american idol because i'm trying deperately to rid nina of her speech related issues - especially since she wants to sing SO BADLY - and your lisp sends mixed messages to her. that and singing "staying alive" is really a nail in the coffin in the idol world. it's like singing a hit song by an original idol winner (who did that last year? i can't remember). it just doesn't work.

anyway - until - um - thursday - this is karen seacrest - trying to get caught up - and sayin "out"...

welp - here we go...

we leave bright and early tomorrow morning for vegas. staying at the paris hotel and casino.

ignoring the fact that i'm STILL having major anxiety about flying and probably will until a half hour or an hour after take off - i'm pretty excited.

i have BIG plans for sitting by the pool and reading a book. weather is predicted to be in the 90's when we arrive tomorrow morning.

sooooooo - miss me everyone!!

t minus 39 hours and 30 minutes...

and i am so far from being ready to go. there's laundry to be done. packing for myself. packing for nina to go to grandma's. gotta get rolen's stuff together to go to the sitter tomorrow.

so far - all i've accomplished is finding my sunglasses and swimming suit.

and i'm already having massive flying panic attacks....

as soon as i get to work tomorrow - i get to print our boarding passes. that's kinda exciting. it's just a shame we can't just warp on over to vegas...

would help me breathe better at least...

being a boy...

makes you hurt the next day. i am so sore.

because seeing is SO totally believing...

jeff taught me how to be a boy today...

i drilled that whole step. it's mine. i own it. mine mine mine....

i'm a total boy now.

cept he still won't let me play with the electric saw thingies..

now i'm depressed

rest in peace my beloved gilmore girls...

*sniffle*

why....

is grissom building a miniature house???

it has to be because he's trying to get inside the mind of the killer. it just has to be!

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

let me just start off by saying i am SOOOO happy that gilmore girls is trying to get back on track with the luke and lorelai thing. it's about time. sucky thing is - there are only 2 episodes left this season and there still hasn't been a decision made as to if this is the last season or not. so in two weeks could be the end all of gilmore girls!!!

now - if luke would just realize that taking lorelai on the boat trip instead of april would make for a great happy ever after....

anyway - on to idol...

this is a super-sized episode of "why you won't be my next american idol" where we say "hit the bricks" to not one - but TWO idol rejects! and speaking of idol rejects - have any of you caught this season of celebrity fit club on vh1 with kimberly locke? dustin diamond needs to just back off of man...

anyway - i'm straying off topic.

this week we first say so long to phil stacey. phil - you won't be my next american idol because you look like a cross between uncle fester and lurch. if the two had a baby - it would have your head. your head is way too big to be bald - it kinda looks like a lightbulb. and your ears stick out kinda far. now i don't want to pick on someone just because of his appreance - cause that would be wrong - but you chose this look and i really think you should really reconsider the concept of hair. really...

we're ALSO saying "peace out" to chris richardson. chris - you won't be my next american idol because i don't like justin timerblake. and if i don't like him - why would i pick you? you look like him. you sound like him. you do his little head bob when you ruin perfectly good songs written by gwen stefani - that's right - still holdin that against you. i just don't think you have the stuff to bring sexy back. not that i think justin does either. but hey - maybe the two of you can team up and give it a try...

so next week's episode of our favorite program will have a bit of a delay as karen seacrest heads to vegas for three days to party with kfed and lindsey (lohan that is).

look for it on saturday or sunday. i know the suspense will be killing you.

until then. karen seacrest shooting craps. out.

here i go...

tryin to look all professional again...

in memory

of baseball players who have gone before us...

enjoy the big game at the stadium in the sky boys...

see what we did this weekend?

for the record...

i'm not a patient person.

i hate waiting.

i don't want to do it anymore.

GAAAA!

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

welcome to a very special episode of "why you won't be my next american idol". i'm your host - karen seacrest.

let us all take a brief moment to mourn the loss of hair-boy.

now that we've done that - can i get a "woot woot!" please?!?! come on - ya'll know you wanna. take that howard stern!

that's right. this week is the long awaited "sanjaya gets told to hit the bricks" week. don't we all feel better now? i have to say - it's all my doing. i took matters into my own hands this week and actually voted FIVE TIMES. clearly it made a difference since i haven't voted at all during the weeks that he hasn't been booted. no need to thank me. just throw treats.

anyway. we say "don't let the door hit ya" to the follically blessed sanjaya malakar. sanjaya - you won't be my next american idol because one michael jackson in the world is more than enough. you started off singing with your sibling. then you branched off to go it alone. you really were a heartbeat away from hanging out in vegas and dressing your children with bed linens. it's really for your own good. enjoy being a teenager for awhile.

well - karen seacrest has a busy nite ahead of her - big party at the ritz. but as soon as it's over - i'll start doing the research to figure out what exactly a "life anthem" is so i can prepare myself for next week's commentary.

until then. karen seacrest. out.

what karen is currently reading

having finally finished marie antoinette: the journey (it only took about 3 months)- i am now reading the hidden diary of marie antoinette.

this book is all fiction. and a far, far easier read.

my review of the first book will come in the next few days. i'm still digesting it (and trust me - there was a lot to digest!)...

six degrees of american idol....

my mom just returned from arkansas where she visited with my great uncle frankie and great aunt ruth anne and found out this interesting piece of information.

my great aunt ruth anne is the cousin of carrie underwood's grandma!

which makes me and carrie underwoood - absolutely nothing.

all of my blood relations are with uncle frankie who is married to aunt ruth anne. but aunt ruth anne could still work on an autograph for her favorite grand niece - couldn't she?

aunt ruth anne said that carrie is a real stinker because last year she skipped the family reunion to go on tour....

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

welcome to "why you won't be my next american idol." i'm your host - karen seacrest...

what is up with the top 8 anyway? do they not realize that there is more to latin music than santana and gloria estefan? 5 of the 8 performances featured a song by one of these two. i ALMOST wanna praise sanjaya for thinking outside of the box. but i won't because i really thought he should have done "livin la vida loca" by ricky martin. or "hips don't lie" by shakeria. that would have been cool....

anyway. this week we say "adios" to legs. i mean - haley scarnato. who obviously had the entire competition confused for nair commercial audition. everyone sing! "who wears short shorts? we wear short shorts!"

and haley - THAT is exactly why you won't be my next american idol. because i'm tired of seeing your long, skinny, toned, perfect legs in short shorts and short skirts. and i'm really tired of watching all of the guys i know drool. and maybe - just maybe - i'm a little jealous cause i don't have long, skinny, toned, perfect legs like yours. especially since my husband is one of those droolers....

men...

so until next week. this is karen seacrest. fuera (which the online english to spanish translation thingie says is the translation of the word "out").

why can't i ever find anything to wear???

now that i've spent the entire day in heals...

my feet hurt and i'm going home and refusing to cook dinner and putting on my jammies and watching sanjaya do "livin la vida loca" on latino nite...

i know some of you are confused - all will hopefully be revealed in due time...

tell the truth...

do i look professional??

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

i really can't believe this. can someone PLEASE explain to me why he is still there?

why? WHY? WHY!!!???!!??!?!?!!

btw - i have it on good authority that a woman i work with is a sanjaya fan. i don't think she's voting though. which is a good thing. we must find out who is responsible for his progression in this competition so that they can be stopped!

okay - so this week on "why you won't be my next american idol" - everyone is safe but gina glocksen. i don't have much to say about it. i'm too angry. but since i have to say SOMETHING - gina - you won't be my next american idol because no matter how many times i ask him - jeff won't let me do my hair in a cool two toned style like yours and in order to be my TRUE american idol - i have to at least be able to try and imitate your fashions without my husband threatening to make me sleep with rolen...

coming up next week - sanjaya imitates jlo and sings that his love don't cost a thing...

this is karen seacrest - out. grrr.

you're so jealous - you wish you were me...

cause come wednesday - jeff and i get to go to the baseball game...

AND

we get to sit in the ameristar box....

AND

food, beer, soda and parking are ALL included...

AAAAAND

we don't have to pay for ANY of it...

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"...

welcome to "why you won't be my next american idol - the harajuku version"....

how about that gwen stefani! she so totally rocks!!! i so wanna be her. i'd settle to be half as skinny and toned as her.

that's right - i'm a diehard gwen fan. my secret is out. you can imagine how much i drove jeff crazy this week.

anyway - as we do every week - we have to say so long to someone. maybe not the someone who REALLY deserves it. and don't get me started on how he brutally destroyed a song written by gwen either - because i won't stop. and that hair! he looked like one of those roman soldiers with the brush thing on the helmet!

sorry - i got off track again. where was i - oh yeah - saying good-bye to someone. this week we say good-bye to fuzzy headed chris sligh. chris - you won't be my next american idol because you have that type of hair that probably just doesn't adjust well to different climates making touring difficult on your hair's health. and you dance kinda funny. and here lately you've been just a little TOO confident - if you know what i mean. people don't like that. they like "humble" - which is why melinda's such a hit...

look at the bright side - maybe your band will take you back now that you're famous and they can hitch a ride on your american idol fame wagon...

until next week when sanjaya wears coolio inspired braids - this is karen "ain't no hollaback girl" seacrest - out.

and meanwhile - somewhere in hollywood...

poor, pretty little gwen stefani is rocking little baby kingston and saying to him in her sweetest voice "why kingy? why did i let them sing MY songs? how could i let him sing 'bathwater'? and that hair? what was i thinking??? how can i show my face tomorrow night in front of all america? he has ruined the faux-hawk forever! and don't even get me started on that 'justin timberlake shoulder beat' to one of the greatest, most personal ballads ever written..."

poor gwennie...

can i get a "woot! woot!"?

i've just been escorted across campus to the bank where i deposited nearly $7000 into the girl scout council's bank account. this means that i simply need to drop off some paperwork to the neighborhood cookie chair, give some cash to the troop leader, and sit back and wait until incentives come in during the first week of may and then cookies are done for another year!!!

this just in!

gwen stefani is going to be the guest musical consultant person on american idol this week.

that is SO gonna be cool! i wanna be an american idol top 10 contestant!!

just not sanjaya. maybe haley. she's super skinny with super long legs. i'd settle for being her this week...

this week on "why you won't be my next american idol"....

welcome to "why you won't be my next american idol."

i'm karen sea-crest i am. karen sea-crest i am i am. i stand here and kick contestants out the door. many should have been kicked - off before. but everyone is an i-i-dol! i-i-dol! top ten gets to go on tour! on tour! i'm the seacrest host - i'm ka-ar-en! karen sea-crest i am i am. karen sea-crest i am!!

second verse....

um. never mind - i won't subject you to that again...

leaving us this week is stephanie edwards. stephanie - you won't be my next american idol because you look like fantasia and sound like beyonce and i don't like either one of them. so take a step to the left, to the left - everything you own in a box to the left - as you won't be joining the top 10 american idol tour this summer - but you will get to appear on the final show - so chin up.

and that of course means that we will all have the chance to cry like little girls when sanjaya comes to town this summer. run and hide everyone! run and hide!!!

until next week. karen seacrest i am i am. out.