the bestest matron of honor speech ever!

when i gave my toast at amanda's wedding - i did it from memory and didn't have a word written down. i had been drafting it in my head for a year and i kept it very guarded because i wanted everyone to experience the speech for the first time at the same time.

now that it's over - i wrote it out for postarity's sake so that amanda can have it for later. so here it is!

are you ready for this? she said "no". i told amanda a year ago that i knew exactly what i wanted to say at this moment and i think she's been really frightened ever since.

i met amanda 13 years ago when her family moved to st. louis. she and i spent almost every saturday and sunday for two years working together at subway slinging sandwhiches. even though there was about 3 years difference between us in age, we quickly developed this crazy bond that to this day can't be put into words. easiest to say that she could make me giggle like no one else in the world. it would only take one word and there were giggles.

(macarena, mayo, cologne, bzzz - at this point amanda threw out the word macarena as an example and it was the only word mentioned at this point in the actual speech - but you get the picture. this is also where i cut the line about how as the youngest of three children, i had quickly adopted her as the little sister i always wanted and never had - the one who was fun but didn't take my toys. reason it was cut is long and not worth going into right now. i had told amanda before the wedding that that line had been in the original draft but cut for certain reasons and she understood - again - long story.)

so you can imagine that having become so attached to amanda, i was pretty disappointed when i found out she would be moving to carrol, iowa for a year. i knew i was powerless to stop it and the idea of throwing myself in front of the moving van and begging her parents to make me her legal guardian wasn't going to work. so i decided i was going to make sure amanda always knew she would have a reason to come back to st. louis - and i decided i was going to throw her a party. it was going to be a surprise and i planned it literally under her nose with her standing two feet away. the plans were all going well until about 2 days before the party when during what turned out to be her last shift at subway, in classic amanda fashion, she was attacked by the lid from a tin can of olives. long story short, she ended up with about a hundred stitches in her leg, unable to walk, and completely unable to pack - which was great for me, but kinda stunk for her parents.

the first thing i said when i heard this was "i can't believe she did that."

second thing was "yeah. yeah, i can believe she did that."

third thing was "and just what am i going to do now??"

so after a brief panic moment, i rearranged some things and made some phone calls. i made sure her mom was still on board - i knew the hardest part was going to be getting her out of the house. and at the time i was pregnant with my now 10 1/2 year old daughter so i did what any crazy, pregnant best friend would do. i called her and i said "amanda, i need you. i have a doctor's appointment. no one can go with me. i think they're going to do an ultrasound and i can't do that alone. i need you to go with me - i'll push you in a wheelchair if i have to."

i had her hook. line. sinker. and she was super shocked when her mom actually LET HER GO.

so i picked her up and fibbed to her about how i forgot something at my house. then i fibbed again about why i had to park in back of my house where i never parked. and when she walked into my back yard and saw a half dozen of her closest friends - none of which she still talks to other than me, i might add - she was really surprised.

now i share this story with you today because i learned two very important things about amanda that day.

1. she is SO gullible.

and

2. no matter what was going on in her own life or where she was, if i needed her, she would be there for me and she would always be my best friend. and i'm happy to say that she has been a part of every happy and every sad moment i have had ever since.

i was really honored five years ago when she stood next to me on my wedding day - or attempted to stand anyway - and i'm really proud of your performance today. and i was even more honored to be able to stand next to her today.

on that day five years ago, amanda publicly informed my husband that he got a two-for-one package deal when he married me. she would always be there for him as well. so chris, i say to you today - you're stuck with me. it's too late. there's no going back. and if you see jeff later, i'm sure he can give you a few pointers on how to cope with it.

in all seriousness though, i want you two to know that there really aren't words to express just how happy i am for you today and i want to wish you both the best as i see you happy together today, happy together tomorrow, and happy together for the rest of your lives.

*toast toast toast - applause cause i totally rock and the best man tells me that he's glad he got to go first and not follow that which made amanda respond with "don't fell bad - she was an english major - she loves this stuff!"*

and now after spending almost every waking hour together for four straight days - she's been in myrtle beach since monday and i haven't talked to her since sunday and MAN IS IT KILLING ME!