it's interesting

how you grow up and become and adult and overcome all those insecurities that you had when you were a kid.  you finally realize how much cooler you are now than some of the cool people from school.  you no longer care if they accept you because you know in the end that you came out way better than they did.  one of the head pom pom girls from my high school is now an over-weight house wife that can tell you what's on oprah any day of the week.  i bet she lays on the couch and eats bon bons in her robe and bare feet.  

i at least have a job and a career of sorts.  may not be the greatest job but someday it's going to get me to where i want to be career wise.

after working to plan my 10 year high school reunion this year - i realized that i no longer really cared if these people liked me or not.  i'm no longer terribly intimidated by them.  not sure when i realized this though.  it may have been after several drinks of an alcoholic nature.

i though i had won!  i'm finally secure.

and then i went to the parents' organization meeting at my daughters school last nite.  and i was standing there with all these women talking about this tankless hot water heater and that sporting activity and this school fundraiser and that strip club (don't ask - i can't figure out how we got there either) - and i totally realized that all those high school insecurities are still there - they've just moved to a new group of people.  i WANT these people to like me - even though i don't necessarily like all of them.  some of them down right irk me.  make me want to scream.  most of them don't even know my name - just call me "nina's mom."  but yet i want these people to like me.  the longer i stood there - the more i noticed the cliques.  and while i tried to chime in - i still felt left out.  i still didn't feel like i totally belonged.  i still felt like at least one person was including me out of kindness or obligation.  the others were all just humoring my presence.  

do we ever get past being 14?