negativity?

i recently was fortunate enough to say goodbye to a very negative influence in my life. you know - the type of person who is so miserable that the person insists on playing the victim, martyr, and hero in everything and finds a way to either bring down or put down all others? the kind that talks bad about everyone behind his or her back and is sweet as candy to his or her face? this person was a negative, bad, horrible influence. nothing was ever this person's fault. it was always the fault of everyone else. and seldom was a nice word ever said about anyone unless they were standing right there.

think - mean girls. regina george to be exact. only older. much older.

when this negative person left my life for good - this person left behind several reminders of negativity. things that perhaps i may or may not have been meant to see. in a brief summary - i'm selfish, fat, big mouthed, a know it all, long winded, immature, bitchy, no one REALLY likes me but they feel sorry for me for having been a single mom, i have a chip on my shoulder and think i'm better than everyone else cause i'm now married, and i drive a crappy car.

the whole thing chipped away at the self esteem i've been building for 10 years in about 10 minutes. i actually started to believe that i couldn't trust anyone. i really did. sad isn't it? if this person - who i knew all along was what the person was - was stabbing me in the back on a regular basis - who else couldn't i trust?? who else thought my car was a piece of crap? that i had a chip? that i was selfish??

today i received a card in the mail from a long time friend of jeff's family. at his cousin's bridal shower on saturday, i had won about 4 prizes from the prize basket in one game. one was a cute little angel sitting on top of a garden steak. it was a garden decoration. this friend of jeff's family commented on how pretty it was. there i sat with 4 prizes - a welcome sign for the garden, a note pad, a flip flop wind chime that i had every intention of sharing with someone i knew who loved flip flops, and this angel that she thought was really pretty. she had none.

i knew rolen would make that angel into crumbs in about seven miliseconds. i knew i had the farthest color from a green thumb possible. i knew i had no use for it. but it was mine. and i looked at her and told her to take it - she would make better use of it than i would, i didn't need all those prizes, she would enjoy it more and she thought it was so pretty. plus - rolen WOULD really eat it. she resisted - said several times that she didn't think she should because i won it fair and square - but i insisted back and the angel went off with her to live happily among her plants.

the card i received today was a note thanking me for being so generous in giving up my prize and how much it meant to her. she had placed it in a plant that had been given to her by jeff's grandmother and planned to move it to her garden to celebrate the coming of spring (you know - once this snow we got today is gone). it was a dear and generous gesture. it was truely a sweet little note.

and you know what i realized?

selfish people - don't get thank you notes for giving up a prize to someone else that their mother in law purchased at the dollar store.

so take that mysterious person of negativity.

you've laughed at me behind my back for so long. who's laughing now? i'll give you a hint. she drives a crappy car.